He silences the winds, calms the storms and pours out His peace

I have been dreading this week for some time.  Knowing it was coming has brought on tears, anxiety, doubt, frustration and anger.
I have hated every minute of it.
Scripture tells us to not worry about tomorrow because today has enough.
TRUTH right there.
But, I have learned:
the opposite of worry is preparation.
Worry can leave a person paralyzed in fear and what ifs.
Stopping to ask what is the worst that can happen?  What can I do to change the ending? Do I want to be a victim of circumstances or do I want to roll with the punches and make some choices?

Most days, I have been so busy I just can't even think about tomorrow because it is taking everything I have to get through this hour, this day. Most days passed and I never gave a second thought to this present week.
There were "other" days with moments that I let myself think. process. ponder. talk to God about this coming week.  There have been the days were my thoughts were uncontrolled and worry & anxiety took over.  Both kind of days were rough.  The difference though was how I felt at the end of each.  Worry and anxiety led to defeat. On a better day, I would "wake" up and realize I needed to change my focus. I would choose to change my thinking and make it a day of preparation. The days of prep work sometimes left me tired and drained.  Fatigue can lead to some tearful and emotional days.  In the end though, there was a hope and empowerment that things would get better.  This season would end.

I am grateful for all those hard moments and days.  Grateful for the time I took to process, to work through emotions.  Grateful for the preparation. Grateful for all the prayer support I requested.
Because...
The Monday of all Mondays came.

When the blank after Projected Outcome is left blank...

Earlier this year, found me in  a doctor's office.  Going through more tests.  More evaluations. Trying to not get my hopes up.  

Oh, the twists and turns which had brought me to that moment in that chair.  Listening to the medical providers explain test results.   In the process of explaining, they verbalized what I was experiencing and couldn't explain. They did it so beautifully. The relief that I felt.  The joy. The comfort. And oh the tears that flowed later.  To be known.  To be understood. To not have to explain.  Just a taste of what it is like with God, my Father.  He loves me, He understands. I don't have to have words.  He knows.  For a brief moment, while I sat in that chair, I experienced a comfort and peace in knowing He was leading and providing for me.

So when all the explaining was done, what to do about the problem needed to be talked about.  They had a plan.  There were things that could be done.  BUT..
But... I am pretty used to the word but...

But in my case they could offer no guarantees.  When a brain is injured and damaged, there are no guarantees.  The brain is a mystery.  Damaged parts stay damaged. New pathways have to be created.  How those pathways form or if they would form was a question no one could answer or predict.  They would be willing to work with me.  They had worked with a number of people who had suffered brain injuries and strokes. They were familiar with the struggles. They had experienced success stories.  They just couldn't offer a projected outcome.

He goes before Me, He is always with me, and He has my back PART 2

I had to have a sit down.  I had to breathe.  I had to thank God for His mighty protection and His peace.  I knew in my heart something bad had happened that day I smelled something "funny."  I recognized the "strange" and yet familiar sense of peace that enveloped me.  The same peace I experience 16 years ago as I lay in a hospital bed listening to doctors and medical staff begin the process of bringing my son into the world while trying to save both of our lives.  A peace beyond explanation but knowing He is there and with me and not going to leave me.

The fire that happened and put itself out because the blower in the dryer "broke" and moisture filled the inside of the dryer.  The stubborn tunnel vision of trying to get the dryer open to clean the lint out leading to the video that provided me the information that the dryer was broken and repairable (otherwise I might have just bought a new one...)  The fatigue that forced me to rest for a couple of days till I was prompted to call my friend.  The firm assurance by individuals that fixing was better than replacing. Trusting God and the counsel He was providing.  Repairs made, that led to other questions and "fatherly" concern and suggestions.   God was there in the midst of it all, directing my steps and questions and protecting us all the while.

Proud to be learning!

One of the greatest lessons taught in our homeschooling is learning is constant.
Sometimes I learned it once and never used it and then I get to re-learn so I can teach it.
Learning to teach is a whole new level of learning.

It happens in more subjects of life than just Algebra, History, English, Geometry and Science.

In the last year, I have learned a lot.
I decided to start taking an inventory of the lessons I have learned:

• to extend grace to myself.  A lesson I revisit a lot.
• being 'broken' is not all bad, God gets to shine more through all the cracks that exist.
• to function in my kitchen and home differently, so I can complete tasks more efficiently.
• to fix a toilet.
• how to unclog a sink.
• how to wipe a hard drive clean and reload it
• how to install a dishwasher.
• how to take my dryer apart.
• to establish boundaries and to more than survive the push back that happens.
• how to replace light bulbs for my car's headlights.

He goes before Me, He is always with me, and He has my back PART 1

Isaish 52:2

But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

This week God has reaffirmed these words over and over to me and my children.  

Way back in 2003, I took advantage of an opportunity the local fire department was providing the community.  A firefighter came to my home, did fire safety education with my children.  Taught them what to do specifically if our home caught fire.  Then, he did a safety inspection.  The list was suprising.  Especially, considering one of my fears was not being able to get to my children in the event of fire because we have a split bedroom floorplan.  

It was disappointing when I shared the list and it wasn't received with the same concern I was experiencing.  To appease my concern, an effort was made to at least blow out the dryer exhaust/lint tube whenever I experienced longer dryer times for the laundry.  In case, anyone else is asking... yes, I clean the lint trap of my dryer regularly.  EVERY time the dryer is used.  Like I said a house fire has always been one of those fears that crop up in my heart.  I take the thoughts captive.  I pray.  I refuse to let it control me, instead I try to do what is needed to make my home safer.   

Almost 2 weeks ago, there was a strange smell as the kids and I did laundry.  Deep in my heart I thought it smelled slightly of smoke.  I just didn't want to alarm the kids.  I, also, just didn't want to go there.  Dreading the possibility of dryer needing to be replaced or costly repairs.  So my son and I moved the dryer and the vent was blown out as in the past. But nothing really came out and that was to be expected.  We had recently tried to blow it out.  I have known several women who have repaired their dryers on their own.  A friend recently shared with me, it never hurts to start a project and call for help if you find yourself in over your head.  The initial breakdown is done and it could save on labor (which could be a bonus).  So armed with You Tube, tools and optimsim I began the process of opening up the back of my dryer. 

Grateful for Medical Advancements and Technology

Had the most amazing experience today.  

Technology can be so amazing and helpful.  

One of my kiddos is a patient of Children's Mercy in Kansas City.
We have been blessed to not NEED to travel back and forth since his initial appointments.  We have been able to do lab work and follow ups via phone and just see his primary physician for appointments.
Several months back though during one of our routine phone follow-ups I was informed we need to have an actual in-office visit to preserve our status as active patient.  Otherwise, we would need to go through the whole inital new patient process.  UGH.  A 3+ hour drive one way.  A day of missed school and so forth...  Of course, this kiddo thought this was a great idea because after a long drive there is the usual attempt to do something fun.  When we were going back and forth certain fun spots were added to the day to reward good behavior and being a great trooper.  Life is different now and a little bit more complicated.
I was intrigrued when we were offered the opportunity to take part in their telehealth program.  To do so, would mean we would need to meet sooner than later.  Certain staffing changes were anticipated and they didn't have all their new plans in place.  Our appointment was scheduled for November and then they had even more changes and we were told we needed to move things up a month or risk needing to make the long drive.  Put it that way....we moved life all around.

And it was completely worth it.
It was the most amazing experience ever.
There was the occassional delay in audio transmission but other than that it went as smooth as an in person visit.  We had a nursing staff that did the routine check in process.  Our medical provider was even able to listen to my kiddo's heart.  She wore special headphones and her support person on our end, moved the stethescope around as needed as she listened to heart and lungs.  Then there was a really cool camera used for looking into his mouth, etc.  Paperwork I brought with us, was quickly shared and available to the doctor on the other end.  To say the least I was just in awe of how far technology comes.  I can imagine how much this service could be used to help so many people world wide.  It was amazing.
Since that initial phone call, a lot of things have been arranged.  Things are falling into place for this service to continue to be provided.
Ever so grateful is this momma for the updates and advances to technology that is available.

Science Experiments & Rose Cuttings that Grow Reassurance and Hope

Our latest science experiment.  My 6th grader has an experiment this month. To take a cutting and put in water to grow roots...  The suggested plant cutting was from a rose bush.  I had been curious in the past how rose bushes came to be because I knew they were not planted from seed.  I had seen educational type shows about grafting and growing a new "breed" of rose.  So I did some research online about it and sure enough the suggestion was to vut about 6 inches from an existing rose bush and plant....

Of course, that peaked my interest and I couldn't just follow the directions given in the science experiment!  My imagination and interest peeked we headed for the garage.  Which of course led to a bit of "minor" cleaning considering it is a garage and all... found a bag of potting soil, flower pots bought for another project never done, and we went to town.  In the bottom left corner, one "stick" has yellow yarn.  The only cutting from our transplanted/moved yellow bush.  The rest are all from one red rose bush.  

This particular project took me down memory lane.  Caused some thinking...

The bedroom shuffle

Life, it happens.  Kids grow up...  Household dynamics change.  The bedroom shuffle happens.
There were 5 under one roof and now there are 4.  One gets a room of his own again, finally! And another gets a room of his own for the first time ever.
But first, rooms have to get dumped, and walls painted...because she wants something different than this blue;

and he wants something different than pink and swirls...

With the possibility of a move in the not so distant future, we have to think about how many times we want to paint.  So after a week of various paint samples taped to walls they chose their favorite white!  (There are a lot of whites out there and some don't look too white-like in various light.)  

My favorite photos...

When all was mostly done and tape was removed there was a little bit of touch up that needed to be done.  The teens got out the little paint brushes.  I couldn't help but think how awful it would have been to paint the two rooms with such a little brush.  The giggles happened.  Things are yet to still be finished.  This has been a two month process.  Purging, emptying and moving.  One more room to still paint. It is amazing how much can be unearthed and decluttered when the bedroom shuffle happens! It definitely would have been better timed in the summer.  Squeezing in between school and our crazy schedule has been a challenge.  Hopefully, we can take some "after" pictures soon.  

It is the little things that make my kiddos smile! It is the big things that make my heart soar!

This came in the mail today.

My kids love snack bars.  The athletes and health nutty ones really like it if they are "protein" bars.
So this arrived today.
The question was who gets it???
So the label was read and it was "happy tummy!"  No peanut/nut contamination.  I offered it up to all to split and try together.  My allergy one, oh so (wisely) declined.  Mom, they make nutty/peanutty versions.  The facility it came from just might not be safe.  True...but it has to be on the label...  Then I told him he was wise and correct in questioning the possibility of possible cross contamination.  And he was right to decline if he was concerned and didn't want to take the chance.
My heart just soared.  At first it was jumping and skipping because the oohs, ahhs and getting to see the smiles.  But then witnessing a maturity in my youngest as he is growing up and learning to take responsibility for his health and able to make decisions/sacrifices based on the big picture.  He didn't pout.  He didn't get upset.  He just recognized the risk and determined whether it was worth the risk and made a choice he was vey happy and content with...   That is hard to do, even as a grown up.  Just so proud. My heart couldn't help but swell up and soar because I know how much he normally feels left out by the protein snack bar world.. so many are nutty and/or peanutty.  Today, it just didn't matter.  Contentment.

In the event, you are wondering how this little bit of freebie heaven found its way into our mailbox, I am signed up with Sample Storm  Free to join.  Freebies are offered.  Just click and sign up for the ones you want.  I opt out of a lot of the extra emails.  I don't seem to get flooded with too much extra email as a result.  The packages we get periodically are super fun suprises to find in the mailboxes!  Free kitty food, personal "girly" products, lotions, toothpaste, paper products, magazines, and makeup are just some of the goodies we get.  There is a referral program, points are earned for referring people who sign up.  I have yet to redeem any points. I have primarily focused on signing up for the free sample offers.
Let me know if you sign up and enjoy the mailbox suprises!

Change

Life changes, and thus a 

New vocabulary. 

Limitations. 

Disability. 

Deficits. 

Aphasia.  

Breathe.

Pacing. 

Margin.

Resting.

Balance.

Acceptance.

Perseverance.

Boundaries

Stopping

Enough

Reduce

Think

Grace

Patience

Kindness

Gentleness

Compassion

Understanding

With changes in life...come other changes.  Sometimes a change in perspective is required.  Other times it is a change in vocabulary.  Or even changes in thought patterns is necessary.  Change is constant.  Change is always good... if you are willing to allow it to grow you and make you a better person.  Change is NOT always easy, or pleasant, or welcome....  But it is a constant... How we embrace it can determine if we are to become bitter or better.  Great thing about change, it is always changing... so can we.  We can start down one path and at anytime recognize we need to make a change...