I have been dreading this week for some time. Knowing it was coming has brought on tears, anxiety, doubt, frustration and anger.
I have hated every minute of it.
Scripture tells us to not worry about tomorrow because today has enough.
TRUTH right there.
But, I have learned:
the opposite of worry is preparation.
Worry can leave a person paralyzed in fear and what ifs.
Stopping to ask what is the worst that can happen? What can I do to change the ending? Do I want to be a victim of circumstances or do I want to roll with the punches and make some choices?
Most days, I have been so busy I just can't even think about tomorrow because it is taking everything I have to get through this hour, this day. Most days passed and I never gave a second thought to this present week.
There were "other" days with moments that I let myself think. process. ponder. talk to God about this coming week. There have been the days were my thoughts were uncontrolled and worry & anxiety took over. Both kind of days were rough. The difference though was how I felt at the end of each. Worry and anxiety led to defeat. On a better day, I would "wake" up and realize I needed to change my focus. I would choose to change my thinking and make it a day of preparation. The days of prep work sometimes left me tired and drained. Fatigue can lead to some tearful and emotional days. In the end though, there was a hope and empowerment that things would get better. This season would end.
I am grateful for all those hard moments and days. Grateful for the time I took to process, to work through emotions. Grateful for the preparation. Grateful for all the prayer support I requested.
Because...
The Monday of all Mondays came.
I was awake at 3:00 am. Incoherent and unable to focus. I started my audio Bible on the IPad. Hoping "the voice" would put me right back to sleep... it does every other time I turn it on... but not this Monday. One hour later, still awake. I set the timer for one more hour. Because I just can't focus my eyes to read myself. I snuggle under the covers. I listen, I pray. The clock says 5:00 and then it says 7:50! But I am filled with such peace. No alarm, no stress related to over-sleeping.
A day that I have dreaded and packed away and shoved in the farthest back corner of my heart and soul for more days than I can count was here. It was scheduled to be packed full of hard stuff. Friday, came last week and I heard Monday's load was lightened, a postponement! My heart was so grateful. It was just too much to face in one day. Three big things reduced to two! And yet, we were starting late. It was supremely peaceful. So enveloped in calm, I was unaware of the peace that surrounded me..
This very Monday went okay.
There was no fan fare. No bells or whistles or drama.
Quiet.
Productive.
There were giggles, laughter, hugs, and a few tears.
A perfectly timed phone call that disrupted the tidal wave of grief from rising up and surging forward.
Later, tears for far different reasons than I could have imagined.
Some healing.
Some hugs.
So much done.
Quiet, precious moments with precious hearts and souls.
Flowers planted.
Cheerful colors.
Extra projects completed.
Fresh sheets on bed.
Suprise blessing of breakfast rolls.
Suprise blessing of fried chicken delievered as dinner was slower than anticipated.
It was as if the household was on valium all.day.long.
Monday peacefully began, happened and ended.
God knew.
As I type, I reflect further on the verse God gave me so many months ago. Before I even had dates. Before I even knew the events of yesterday.
"And He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." Mark 4:39
He calms the storm. He quiets the winds and sea. Sometimes it is the storm in my heart He quiets while all around the storm rages. Other times, He brings peace to both my heart and surroundings. He envelopes us in Holy Peace that just cannot be described.
The rest of the week will happen. But He is already given me peeks into His provision for this week. Grateful. Heart overflowing. He will walk alongside us this week, just as He has every other day. Gently leading and preparing us, graciously placing people in our lives to pray us through. He will quiet the storm. He will cover us in His peace. He has done it before, even before this Monday. He loves His children so much. The wonderful gifts He gives, far beyond what we can imagine.
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