Taking time to relearn....

I am slowly taking time to relearn some things. Sometimes, I bite off more than I should.  I am recognizing that...so I am careful to not say anything about plans just in case it doesn't go well.
Back around Christmas I decided to attempt cookie making and decorating with royal icing.  It did end up being quite the job.  I was so thankful my daughter was around and wanted to jump in help.  I just could not remember any memories beyond needing a thicker icing for borders and a thinner icing for flooding and it really wasn't very difficult.  I just didn't remember the bending over and fatigue or the muscle strength needed in hands and forearms... Both of which have declined substantially since the accident.
But hey! we did it.  And they were yummy.

So I worked up my courage and attempted these guys a couple of months later to suprise the kids with... Baby chicks around here are not an option, so I hoped they would enjoy these cuties.

Growing Stronger, Getting Bolder and finding humor in songs and lyrics...

The last 2 years have been a journey.

I have been challenged a lot by people.  by words.  by opinions. by Scripture.

I have challenged myself.

My beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes, perspectives, choices have all been challenged.

I felt sifted and crushed and pressed and squeezed.

It has just been for the most part completely unpleasant to put it mildly.

I have also been afraid.
Afraid to say too much.
Afraid my words would be picked apart. Misunderstood. Twisted and taken out of context.

In the process of breaking free, song lyrics of all things pop into my head like as conversations.

It has been funny as the kids and I talk, something will get said and I respond with, someone wrote a song about that once...

In all honesty, there is nothing new under the sun.

I have to remind myself, haters are going to hate.  They just are.  It has nothing to do with me.
I can't make my words "perfect" because if a person is bent on being hateful, they will just find something to be hateful about.   As the kids and I work through some of this hatefulness we sometimes tend to break into song... I will let you guess which one that could be.

It has been a journey to say the least.  Fear has made itself all too comfortable in our lives.
We are learning to conquer it.  We are learning it is more important to be true to ourselves.  To speak truth to ourselves in spite of what those around us say.

The hardest part in this journey is when it is family that hurt us.  Family and friends have the capacity to hurt us more deeply.  They know us best.  They know right where to hit.  Sometimes they even know how to turn the tables so quickly it leaves us dizzy and confused. They do it, so everyone becomes distracted and focused on something else.  We are learning to keep our legs underneath us.  To right ourselves after being spun and not fall into the bait and switch confusing distraction.

We are learning that sometimes silence is the answer.  There is no point to speak because the truth will be found out.  Time always does reveal truth.  Time always reveals character.

AND then there are times, as we are learning, the silence needs to be broken.  When dealing with bullies it is always important to speak up and stand up for what is true.  Silence never stops a bully.

We are learning to say, nope, no way, no how and do it with friendly firmness.

We are learning to speak up and contradict the lies being said.

We are learning to contradict the taking truths out of context and putting them back into their proper place.

And we are learning to accept that while we may do it with friendly firmness. While we may love the individuals that are involved in the mess... they may, and probably will, reject our efforts to stand up for ourselves, and twist and contort and take out of context our words to create more drama, pain and hurt. But that is okay, because there was a song wrote about this... some people are just haters... and haters are going to hate.... so just.... Shake it off....shake it off.. shake it off..  And keep doing what we know is right and stand for what is right and true.  Learning what it really means to search our own hearts and be ready and okay with ourselves when it comes time to stand before God... cause even He knows.... Haters are going to hate, hate, hate...

April 1st ~ Mom strikes again

I don't always do something on April first.  Actually, over the years I have dreaded the day.  Specifically grateful for homeschooling and the lack of awareness on my kiddo's part most of the time.  The kitchen sink prank has been done so many times, that I fail to laugh and struggle to not be grumpy.  Rubber banding the spraying so someone gets wet just isn't funny the 4th, 5th, 6th year in a row.  I have already showered thank you very much and wet clothes are uncomfortable and I just have too much to do for all this mess... Yep, my sense of humor is really lacking on April Fool's Day.

That is until this year.  I stayed up late.  Way too late.  I have no idea what got into me.  Not one bit.  It started with potatoes because sometimes potatoes have eyes.  I just couldn't resist and kept thinking how much my mom would have thought it was funny.  Then as I started quietly laughing, I just couldn't stop.



So I did the cookie container...because someone is always watching.... and Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? and I am always telling the kids they will get caught...

What could be more crazy fun then opening the refrigerator for breakfast and finding this: 

I am so glad bedrooms have doors on them

Seriously, I am so glad there are bedroom doors.
I am grateful for the sanctuary they create.
When I just don't know what else to do....
When there are just no words to be said....
When the emotions are just too big....
When the need for quiet is great...
When trying to not laugh is going to cause me to choke....
there is only one thing left to be said...

"GO TO YOUR ROOM"

Oh the drama!
It is Sunday afternoon.
There are two in my home that are intent on making life interesting.
This sums them up:


I could only hope their drama is this amicablely planned.

Today, I just could not do one more minute.
I either had to babysit their free time or seek sanity for myself.
Sanity won.
I sent them to their own rooms.
For one, the isolation is just more than can be tolerated.
Every excuse imaginable was created for exiting.
Shock at my insistance to remain behind a closed door.
If only he understood it was in his best interest.
I am not feeling well. I am tired and I am in pain.
When all else failed, the next attempt to exit was because "I am thirsty."
The concept of asking if he may get a drink has escaped him.
He just feels entitled.
ENTITLED.
When I point out making a polite request would far improve his chances of getting a drink without experiencing the mom look his flare for the dramatic overwhelmed the household.
FINE.  IF YOU DON'T CARE THAT I WILL DIE OF THIRST,
I. WILL. JUST. DRINK. MY. TEARS.

I. AM. SHUTTING. MY. DOOR. AND. I. AM. GOING. TO. DRINK. MY. TEARS.

If only he knew how hard it was for me to not burst out laughing.
I so wish this child of mine would be willing to join a theater group.
The possibilities for the future are just so great with that kind of creativity and drama!

St Patrick's Day fun ~ Memories I want to savor!

My youngest fully embracing the green.  Turning inside out fleece lined jeans for the full effect!

Finding creative ways to show my teens I love them

Sometimes it is just the little things.  Then sometimes it is the silly and frivolous things.

Last summer we learned there were people who would post it another person's car!  

The news and then seeing cars done was just a bit shocking for this frugal momma! 

Didn't they know how expensive post it notes could be??  

Especially to only be blown away and trashed and not used beyond prankstering?? !! ?? 

My practical side can be a bit of a buzz kill sometimes. 

So I often just keep my lips zipped. 

In all honesty though, post it notes are far easier to deal with than shoe polish. 

Especially in Kansas heat. 

Then one day, something possessed me.  A goofy, silly, overwhelming sense came over me.  

It started with activating the sticky notes on one teenager's computer.  I was just going to leave one little note that said "I love you."  And then I was taken over by creativity....

and silliness... 

and oneriness...

All I can say, is there is a limit to how many sticky notes that can be "placed" on a laptop screen!! 

Just don't understand this kitty...

3 weeks post Christmas... I can't bring myself to pack up the Nativity.  I like it setting out.  So does a certain kitty.  He loves to lay on top of Jesus! Curls up and naps with Jesus.  We find him in this very spot regularly.  He would prefer I didn't notice or make a fuss about it.   

That is his, "Must you disturb me with the picture taking clicking noise? Be gone with you!" look.

Christmas memory for the books...

Teenagers are a special breed. 

Humor. 

Creativity. 

Old enough to really do some stuff. 

Stuff that can be entertaining to boring old adults. 

They are also extremely hard to shop for sometimes. 

One particular teenager only wanted money and gift cards for Christmas. 

Ah gee... That is extremely fun to wrap says a mom.

  

Then a sister, decides it is very fun. 

With 5 kids and most too young to have jobs to earn money, 

I encouraged them to draw names many years ago.  

They have big hearts and want to shop for their siblings and this reduced some of the stress.  

So a certain sister drew her teenage older brother's name.  

Enlisted me to help, since she doesn't drive solo yet. 

The mission:  Collect as many gift card envelopes as possible. 

 Preferrably from girly stores. 

Since he wants gift cards or money, so be it. 

The next step... 15  ~ $1 bills.  

(The spending budget for the drawing was $15)

Each dollar tucked into an envelope.  

All of them in a gift bag.  

A few of the envelopes went missing.  

The best part was, 

he was with me the day I ran in and out of the doors to collect 

some of the envelopes! 

He drove me around and kept the car and the driver's seat warm for me! 

The Earth Shook Today!

The last couple of weeks we have had head colds and allergies. Last year I made an announcement to the kids, on any given day that they did not leave the house, they could declare it pj day for themselves.  Of course, double checking with me to make sure there wasn't anything planned and not mentioned.  It is a rare day that I never have to leave my home.  A day nothing is planned.  If there isn't anything planned, well that is the day shopping will sometimes (most likely) get delegated to... Today, I woke up tired.  Tired to my bones.  I took my shower and just wasn't revived, my bed unmade just kept whispering my name.
While brushing my teeth I looked at my calendar.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Not one reason to leave my house!  PJ day!  I felt the stress of getting ready for the day lift off my shoulders.  The suprising and best part... my youngest girl was ecstatic for me.  She told me to Go for it!  Her encouragement meant the world to me.  Kids started school and I grabbed my Bible and drink and took this picture sitting next to my diffuser.

Sniffling and snuffling, I read.  My head was pounding because this morning I wasn't bouncing out of the morning stuffiness that comes with head colds and allergies.  

I just kept counting my blessings that I could have a PJ day.  I felt deliriously like a lady of leisure.  An amazing indulgence that was for the moment better than chocolate. 

Then I did something else.  The timer dinged and it was break time.  I declared a hour break.  An hour to play a game.  We arranged ourselves around the table, with 2 of us sitting in the sun's rays because sunshine beating on our heads and backs always seems to relieve congestion.  We played.  Snacked.  Laughed.  The timer dinged and it was back to work.  So much work was accomplished before lunch as a result.  

When I made my announcement the kids just looked at me.  They knew better to argue... cause I was offering FUN!  But I asked them, did you feel that?  Did you smell that?? More looks.  I think the earth shook, I think the volcanoes are erupting and there might be some hail... My oldest caught on quick and said she's saying the earth might be ending... 

Their mother just doesn't do things like this.  I looked at them and said, for a long time your mother didn't do things like this.  She was super responsible.  But NOW things are different.  Now Mom has some freedom to say, for one hour we will play.  Yes, we will still have the work to do, but it will get done.  We know what we are trading time for and what will need to be done.  We will get it done.  Smiles... 

My heart soars.  

Laughter...

Days like this, school like this... incredibly blessed today.  

Dinner adventures

Just Can't Reveal Names here.  

But there are people in this home that have a thing about food.  They LOVE it.  It is a critically important aspect of their life.  To get specific, meat is especially important.  So right on top of that list is STEAK.  

So when presented with a steak option for dinner, the best way to cook it around here is unanimously on the grill.  I have been relearning a lot around here this past year. 

One of the things, noone is to quick to "allow" me to learn is to grill.  

Grilling requires "babysitting"  and "attention"

My ability to stay focused is somewhat challenged,
 since the accident and the cooking adventures I have experienced,
while comical, have left my children protective of the grill.
 
The risk of my getting distracted and burning something is great.  

So our resident "STEAK" lover, (worship-er) volunteered to grill.  

Unfortunately, the cook, had not grilled steak before.  A 5 minute break was taken to run inside.

Laughing with Aphasia

Laughing at/with myself.
I have minor aphasia issues related to a brain injury from a car accident 2.5 years ago.
This past year has been a journey of learning about deficits, impairments and acceptance.  Acceptance being the hardest part.
 
However, there are times you can choose to cry or laugh.  Today has been a long day.  Good but long.  I was visiting with my daughter and I was trying to tell her to hold that thought, I needed to go to the:
"Bladder Room"
aka the Bathroom

I can think the word and the wrong thing comes out and sometimes I just can't thing of the word and the next best thing gets said!  Oh my Goodness... I said "Bladder Room."  I knew it wasn't correct but I just couldn't for the life of me think of the room.

So I followed up with, "that isn't the right word, but I can't  figure it out"  Chuckles..  So the kids start listing off alternatives:  Bathroom, Powder Room, Restroom, Potty, the Loo, the Little Boys Room, the Little Girls Room...

I am so glad they can laugh with me.

So then I asked them to remember some of my other funny "sayings."

Chocolate Spray Paint ~ Chalk board Spray Paint  (mis-heard and repeated)

"The Boy"  "The Girl" ~ When I can't remember names or just literally can't make my mouth work to say the names... Sometimes followed up with hand motions to indicate size.

The "BOX"  ~ microwave

Sometimes I have to describe things like the refrigerator.  "The cold thing....box"

I once wanted a Pepsi and couldn't say anything, all I could do is make a slurp sound with my lips.. I need a **slurp slurp sound.**  That resulted in a 30 thing guessing game.  Straw, water, cup, and on and on...

It can be frustrating, but it can be completely hysterical.  Sometimes, it is best to laugh.