Change, Balance, Focus words that get talked about a lot...

He sat there on the couch during the therapy session in such misery.
He demanded.
"Why!?!  Why did you change??"

It wasn't the time or place to answer.

It wasn't even the question for the moment.

So many other issues were at hand.  And this was just another question to distract from the problem being addressed.

Yet, the question remains.

At some point, I started asking how do I answer the questions: Why did we get divorced?  How did it come to this?
I have learned the answer and details don't matter so much as what I choose to do each given day.
Yet, taking time to reflect on the journey and the how is important.  What worked and what didn't? What would I do over again and what would I never want to repeat again?

So what changed?

April 1st ~ Mom strikes again

I don't always do something on April first.  Actually, over the years I have dreaded the day.  Specifically grateful for homeschooling and the lack of awareness on my kiddo's part most of the time.  The kitchen sink prank has been done so many times, that I fail to laugh and struggle to not be grumpy.  Rubber banding the spraying so someone gets wet just isn't funny the 4th, 5th, 6th year in a row.  I have already showered thank you very much and wet clothes are uncomfortable and I just have too much to do for all this mess... Yep, my sense of humor is really lacking on April Fool's Day.

That is until this year.  I stayed up late.  Way too late.  I have no idea what got into me.  Not one bit.  It started with potatoes because sometimes potatoes have eyes.  I just couldn't resist and kept thinking how much my mom would have thought it was funny.  Then as I started quietly laughing, I just couldn't stop.



So I did the cookie container...because someone is always watching.... and Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? and I am always telling the kids they will get caught...

What could be more crazy fun then opening the refrigerator for breakfast and finding this: 

Adjusting and Healing in Ways Unexpected

I started this post months ago.
My heart was raw...
It needed to sit for awhile.
I needed to sit for a while.
My head and my heart, they know Truth.  But my flesh, my person still grieves loss still the same.
While in the midst of loss I am able to find much gain and joy, the losses still leave a void and ache.  That void and ache is sometimes compounded by the fact my losses don't affect only me.  It isn't only myself that must face the changes in my abilities or lifestyle but also those closest to me.  Even though I encouraged independence and self-sufficiency, I still did a lot for my family.  As time went by, we noticed more losses as the number of people in our lives dwindled.  Not that they didn't care but we were no longer as active and involved in things as we once were.  Just more loss.
So, I delayed in sharing the following, because I just needed a bit more time to soak in the conversation between my son and I.  So grateful I am, for this memory.  For the healing that allowed this conversation to happen.

January 2016:
My oldest son and I went to my latest appointment together.
We weren't sure how much the testing would affect me.
Since most of his school is online and they have wi-fi, he didn't lose too much from doing his assignments.
He joined us as we went over the preliminary results.

I am so glad bedrooms have doors on them

Seriously, I am so glad there are bedroom doors.
I am grateful for the sanctuary they create.
When I just don't know what else to do....
When there are just no words to be said....
When the emotions are just too big....
When the need for quiet is great...
When trying to not laugh is going to cause me to choke....
there is only one thing left to be said...

"GO TO YOUR ROOM"

Oh the drama!
It is Sunday afternoon.
There are two in my home that are intent on making life interesting.
This sums them up:


I could only hope their drama is this amicablely planned.

Today, I just could not do one more minute.
I either had to babysit their free time or seek sanity for myself.
Sanity won.
I sent them to their own rooms.
For one, the isolation is just more than can be tolerated.
Every excuse imaginable was created for exiting.
Shock at my insistance to remain behind a closed door.
If only he understood it was in his best interest.
I am not feeling well. I am tired and I am in pain.
When all else failed, the next attempt to exit was because "I am thirsty."
The concept of asking if he may get a drink has escaped him.
He just feels entitled.
ENTITLED.
When I point out making a polite request would far improve his chances of getting a drink without experiencing the mom look his flare for the dramatic overwhelmed the household.
FINE.  IF YOU DON'T CARE THAT I WILL DIE OF THIRST,
I. WILL. JUST. DRINK. MY. TEARS.

I. AM. SHUTTING. MY. DOOR. AND. I. AM. GOING. TO. DRINK. MY. TEARS.

If only he knew how hard it was for me to not burst out laughing.
I so wish this child of mine would be willing to join a theater group.
The possibilities for the future are just so great with that kind of creativity and drama!

Finding creative ways to show my teens I love them

Sometimes it is just the little things.  Then sometimes it is the silly and frivolous things.

Last summer we learned there were people who would post it another person's car!  

The news and then seeing cars done was just a bit shocking for this frugal momma! 

Didn't they know how expensive post it notes could be??  

Especially to only be blown away and trashed and not used beyond prankstering?? !! ?? 

My practical side can be a bit of a buzz kill sometimes. 

So I often just keep my lips zipped. 

In all honesty though, post it notes are far easier to deal with than shoe polish. 

Especially in Kansas heat. 

Then one day, something possessed me.  A goofy, silly, overwhelming sense came over me.  

It started with activating the sticky notes on one teenager's computer.  I was just going to leave one little note that said "I love you."  And then I was taken over by creativity....

and silliness... 

and oneriness...

All I can say, is there is a limit to how many sticky notes that can be "placed" on a laptop screen!!