Hearing and speech update....

Last week, I posted here about my journey in addressing my speech issues and auditory processing issues.
I passed the hearing tests with flying colors.
No suprise there.
This week though, I did the auditory processing testing.
A whole other story.
My first two tests I do okay on.
The sweet lady who did my testing told me at that point, she was thinking, wow she is doing good, maybe we don't have a problem.
That quickly changed when the third test started and then the fourth was done.
She looked at me and said "You are suprised are you?"
Yes and no.
At the time, I felt like I hadn't "missed" enough on the test for anyone to see there was a problem.
I anticipated needing to miss a lot of answers for there to be a problem to be acknowledged.
So my suprise was the fact they did see the problem.
Apparantly, there is not a whole lot of room for error on these tests.

Checking out my hearing and speech... new stuff on the horizon!

I am so super excited!
Just before the holidays, I received a recommendation to contact a speech center here in town.
They aren't very well known, at least to my medical providers.
A frustration all within itself.  But I keep reminding myself God's timing is perfect and to trust in His timing.

Today, my first appointment.
I had spoken to them on the phone.
Kind people.  Compassionate people.
Again no promises.
Vision therapy has gone as far as it can for now.
My vision issues can continue to get better on their own and I have exercises to continue and one more follow up appointment.
However, I am still slow and the thought is it is an issue with processing.
I have testing results that concur.
So... I called.
Because insurance is the way it is.
They must have tests to prove I can hear and I don't have a hearing problem, that is what we did today.
Perfectly good hearing!  In all the normal ranges.

One of the best parts about today, is what I would normally shed tears over.
Life has been rough the last couple of weeks.  Worn down and exhausted, by the time I was called for testing, my speech was declining and just short of a train wreck.
God's timing is perfect.  He knew how life was going to roll.  He knew I would struggle.
He provided the perfect opening in the schedules for this appointment to happen.
Those doing my hearing tests heard my speech.
The speech specialist I spoke to on the phone came by to introduce herself.
She was able to hear my speech.
The best part was no one was alarmed or upset.
They weren't frustrated or angry.
They didn't talk down to me.
Didn't get frustrated.
They were kind and interested and encouraging.
What triggers?  What helps?
Explaining, I live life in such a way to minimize issues as much as possible, but I can't prevent sick kids, crazy upside down days or weeks or noisy stores.
It was so good to have my speech problems in a setting where I just might be able to find help.

Capable but slow!

As this year is ending, I can't help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for the way God directed my path.  Last holiday season, I learned of vision therapy services that could help.  No promises, just a maybe.

I have done a lot of testing over the last couple of months.  Initially when the testing started there were some pretty low scores.  My latest scores were a mixed bag of low and astonishingly high and improved.  

It isn't the numbers so much, but what the numbers reveal.  

These wonderfully kind people don't just focus on the numbers. 

So as we reviewed the scores, I heard and received the most encouraging words.  

These scores show, "You are capable, just slow."

I am slower, much slower than I used to be.  It is exceedingly frustrating.  But I am learning, trying to learn to be content.  But what did my heart good was to hear I was capable.  Sometimes in slowness, efficiency becomes an issue.  I have questioned what I have to offer if all the things I used to be good at, I am not good at anymore?   What can I do?  

Add on top of it all, that there is a divorce happening, all sorts of questions about self worth and acceptance and the future just roll around in one's heart, mind and soul.  

But this office of people, they are good and kind.  

They see the struggle.  

They can even measure it. 

They see potential and capability. 

They accept. 

My latest appointment was to announce, I have graduated.  I am moving into monthly appointments and then will be released from therapy!  I am "passing" where I need to improve.  I have to admit there was some anxiety, because even the vision issues are still variable.  Not as much, but still... So the doctor and I talked.  Variability, it is there to stay. I will have to do what I need to do to take care of myself and thus limit variability and then accept when life goes awry and adjust.  Maybe one day as the brain heals and develops new pathways there will be less variability.  But the anxiety was still there.  I asked him about our last conversation when he stated if I could reach a certain "percentage" then there would be a hope that  I would be "average in functioning".  Related to my concerns about divorce, eventually needing to work, medical prognosis of another doctor and just general concerns and worries.  If I am slow and not "good" at what I used to be "good" at then what?  Bless this man's heart... I believe God just entered the room that moment and spoke through him.  

"Knowing what I know about you, as an employer, I would expect it would take you longer to learn (train) things.  I would expect you might be more forgetful and need reminders and make more mistakes. If I didn't know any of this about you, I might not realize there was an underlying condition at all. I might wonder why you can't remember or why you keep making mistakes and why you haven't learned it yet, but I have experienced this with other people."  His compassion and kindness just overwhelmed me.  You see I have been asking these kind of questions for a while.  His words that he chose at that moment communicated acceptance and hope.  

Then the doctor took on a father/uncle type demeanor and gave me some firm advice and instructions about the future and different options I should look into and consider.  Then he provided me with details regarding therapy with speech and language pathologists that could benefit my vision and speech. (This bit of hope was so important, especially since my speech is a huge concern about what kind of job I can have when my speech is variable.)  Then he said, "Merry Christmas and see you at your next appointment!"

The demeanors of my care providers are unique and greatly varied.  While all of them are honest, some are more able to present facts in a way truth is acknowledged but encouragement and hope is also offered.  

Laughing with Aphasia

Laughing at/with myself.
I have minor aphasia issues related to a brain injury from a car accident 2.5 years ago.
This past year has been a journey of learning about deficits, impairments and acceptance.  Acceptance being the hardest part.
 
However, there are times you can choose to cry or laugh.  Today has been a long day.  Good but long.  I was visiting with my daughter and I was trying to tell her to hold that thought, I needed to go to the:
"Bladder Room"
aka the Bathroom

I can think the word and the wrong thing comes out and sometimes I just can't thing of the word and the next best thing gets said!  Oh my Goodness... I said "Bladder Room."  I knew it wasn't correct but I just couldn't for the life of me think of the room.

So I followed up with, "that isn't the right word, but I can't  figure it out"  Chuckles..  So the kids start listing off alternatives:  Bathroom, Powder Room, Restroom, Potty, the Loo, the Little Boys Room, the Little Girls Room...

I am so glad they can laugh with me.

So then I asked them to remember some of my other funny "sayings."

Chocolate Spray Paint ~ Chalk board Spray Paint  (mis-heard and repeated)

"The Boy"  "The Girl" ~ When I can't remember names or just literally can't make my mouth work to say the names... Sometimes followed up with hand motions to indicate size.

The "BOX"  ~ microwave

Sometimes I have to describe things like the refrigerator.  "The cold thing....box"

I once wanted a Pepsi and couldn't say anything, all I could do is make a slurp sound with my lips.. I need a **slurp slurp sound.**  That resulted in a 30 thing guessing game.  Straw, water, cup, and on and on...

It can be frustrating, but it can be completely hysterical.  Sometimes, it is best to laugh.