He sat there on the couch during the therapy session in such misery.
He demanded.
"Why!?! Why did you change??"
It wasn't the time or place to answer.
It wasn't even the question for the moment.
So many other issues were at hand. And this was just another question to distract from the problem being addressed.
Yet, the question remains.
At some point, I started asking how do I answer the questions: Why did we get divorced? How did it come to this?
I have learned the answer and details don't matter so much as what I choose to do each given day.
Yet, taking time to reflect on the journey and the how is important. What worked and what didn't? What would I do over again and what would I never want to repeat again?
So what changed?
Showing posts with label Learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Learning. Show all posts
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Taking time to relearn....
I am slowly taking time to relearn some things. Sometimes, I bite off more than I should. I am recognizing that...so I am careful to not say anything about plans just in case it doesn't go well.
Back around Christmas I decided to attempt cookie making and decorating with royal icing. It did end up being quite the job. I was so thankful my daughter was around and wanted to jump in help. I just could not remember any memories beyond needing a thicker icing for borders and a thinner icing for flooding and it really wasn't very difficult. I just didn't remember the bending over and fatigue or the muscle strength needed in hands and forearms... Both of which have declined substantially since the accident.
But hey! we did it. And they were yummy.
Back around Christmas I decided to attempt cookie making and decorating with royal icing. It did end up being quite the job. I was so thankful my daughter was around and wanted to jump in help. I just could not remember any memories beyond needing a thicker icing for borders and a thinner icing for flooding and it really wasn't very difficult. I just didn't remember the bending over and fatigue or the muscle strength needed in hands and forearms... Both of which have declined substantially since the accident.
But hey! we did it. And they were yummy.
So I worked up my courage and attempted these guys a couple of months later to suprise the kids with... Baby chicks around here are not an option, so I hoped they would enjoy these cuties.
Growing and blooming in the rocky and peaty places
Healing it is happening.
I am learning and growing. Not surviving but thriving and blooming.
I took a short break while writing this and stepping away, allowed a memory to come to mind. In the early months of my marital separation I was doing a Bible Study. It wasn't quite what I expected. God has a way of doing that with me. In the first lesson, we were challenged to look at the meaning our name(s).
For me, I have never been too impressed with the meaning of my names - purple flower & bitterness. But trying to respect the study, I pulled up the search engine and typed in my names.
Yep, there it was purple flower... but something a little bit more. A purplish flower that blooms in the rocky, peaty places. Was and am I ever in the rockiest of places. As for peaty, I looked up that definition, partially decomposed vegetable matter, mostly mosses. Yep, I was in a decomposing and dead place (my marriage).
My middle name- Yep, still there in the definition is bitter..but before that... Wished-for child.
Wished-for child, that was a first. I have bought and looked through a lot of baby name books in my life time. As choosing a name for my children was a significant thing for me... a name was not chosen until I knew the meaning. Not only were my children named names I liked, but their names needed to have depth and purpose in their meaning. I had been unimpressed with the meaning of my name since around the fourth grade when a teacher assigned us the task of learning the meaning our names. Then when I asked my mom why I was named my names, the answer was not at all what I expected. The answer: name of a popular soap opera character, and for the middle name...it was the only name that flowed with my first name. But what I could do? Nothing. At least not till I was old enough to change things. When I was old enough, it just wasn't worth the trouble. It wasn't like anyone else cared about the meaning behind names, and changing things would just be difficult and expensive.
But that day staring at the screen, I was being given a gift, being renamed, redefined. A flower that blooms in the rocky, peaty places and I was a wished-for child.
And now, many months later, God gently reminds me of that day, reminds me of the promise of my name as He renamed me. Flowers bloom seasonally. There has been a lot of beneath the surface work, deep down in the roots and this past week, He has let me experience some of the joy in blooming and showing the work He has done.
So what is it He and I have been working on?
I have been learning to stand my ground. Learning to be strong and not give into self doubt, to stop the tapes in my head before they start playing... to affirm my decisions and not waver. To question my motives and ask God to show me if my intent, my motives are wrong and do I need to shift my thoughts and attitudes?... To not immediately take more responsibility than is mine to shoulder. All of these have been works in progress.
These weaknesses didn't happen over night. They have been present for a long time. They have been strengthened as weaknesses and encouraged by those that love me. Shocking isn't it? True. As shocking as it might or might not be. Because the reality is we might love someone and we might want them to conquer and overcome some things for their own good, but... Always the but... But when someone starts to become stronger it affects every relationship. That isn't always comfortable for the cheerleader. That cheerleader might be fine with you developing confidence and a voice so long as it doesn't inconvenience the relationship with them... When that happens, the cheerleader just might (and does in some cases) become the loudest and angriest dissenting voice. The confusion and pain that is felt is profound. I have walked that road many a time. It always ended up with me reverting back to questioning myself and self doubt and I must have done something wrong. On and on the cycle would go. It is extremely difficult when these loud voices and dissenters are family. The very people who are suppose to be for you. So very difficult. Others aren't suppose to walk all over me, just them.
Sigh... and so the cycle goes. It is hard. It is hard to admit the truth about the people closest to you. It isn't that you don't love or like them. It is hard because it is hard. Hard to admit the people closest aren't perfect. Hard to look at them and say, I don't like this but I like you. Even harder to say, I don't like this so very much that even though I like you, I can't spend anymore time with you because that is how much I don't like being treated this way. For someone like me who has the tendency for self-doubt and taking on way more responsibility than is mine to carry, this is really hard. It is hard because it means there is nothing I can do "more" to be treated better or to change their attitude/behavior towards me. It isn't about me. It is more about them and the way they think and perceive the world. Part of loving others as we love ourselves is learning to say no. Because letting them treat me poorly without consequence does not help them in the long run. It is hard because as much as I want someone to get it, to understand, I can't make them. It is hard to step back and watch them go down in a direction that will inevitably be filled with hardship as the result of choices being made. Life is hard enough without making it worse as a result of the choices we make.
This past week I have encountered multiple opportunities to press repeat. I didn't. I managed to stand strong. I didn't self-doubt. I didn't take on too much responsibility. I did it. I fist pumped and told myself way to go! AND because it is hard I grieved. BUT I didn't grieve as I have in the past, I grieved because I knew the losses the other side was going to experience. I grieved for them. I prayed. I put them in the hands of God and brushed my hands and knees off and did the next thing because there was nothing more that I could do. God doesn't need my help. He can handle it. One day, maybe things will be different. For now, I am enjoying the freedom of being free from the cycle. I am grateful for these moments of success. Praying that when the next time comes around I will be able to press repeat for this pattern, not the old.
Some articles that have helped me tremendously over the past year or two.
This one is very current, oh how I wish it had been written sooner. But I rest in the affirmation and encouragement of what I have been learning.
This one, while I am not fully where she is at, maybe one day. But acknowledging sometimes in spite of all efforts what is dead is dead.
This one, challenged my committment to marriage. It is one thing to be commited. It is another thing to be commited to the point of self-detriment. We are to love others as we love ourselves.
This one and pretty much a whole bunch of articles on this website have provided encouragement and affirmation regarding what forgiveness, repentance and reconciliation looks like. In addition, to addressing individual's humanity, sin nature in light of Scripture and how it relates to relationships.
Some words of wisdom that have had a profound effect:
"God is a gentleman." Period. There are not enough words. Just camp out on that one for a good long while. Ask Him to teach the fullness of that sentence to you. Ask Him daily to show and reveal that one to you.
I wish I could find the article I read, but in summary: A commitment to marriage does not mean a person now gets to practice being their worst possible self.
Replace marriage with family.. and it applies to any relationship.
Are the choices I am making today going to help me be the person I want to be tomorrow?
or
What I do today is practice for who I will be tomorrow.
If God is perfect. Then He communicates perfectly. Satan is known (and so is man) for twisting and distorting the words of God. Why then am I worried about or suprised by the twisting and distorting of my words? If people/Satan are willing to do it to the All-Perfect God, then there is no reason to expect it not to happen to me. (haters, going to hate... twisters are going to twist... ) I just do the best I can and leave the rest to God. The twisting and distorting of my words is not a reflection of me but of the person who is doing it. There are plenty of people who do understand my words and heart.
Truth will be revealed. God doesn't need my help. He will equip me in His own time in His strength and give me words if I need them.
It is that resting in Him, trusting in Him, waiting on Him that is so healing. He is faithful.
I am learning and growing. Not surviving but thriving and blooming.
I took a short break while writing this and stepping away, allowed a memory to come to mind. In the early months of my marital separation I was doing a Bible Study. It wasn't quite what I expected. God has a way of doing that with me. In the first lesson, we were challenged to look at the meaning our name(s).
For me, I have never been too impressed with the meaning of my names - purple flower & bitterness. But trying to respect the study, I pulled up the search engine and typed in my names.
Yep, there it was purple flower... but something a little bit more. A purplish flower that blooms in the rocky, peaty places. Was and am I ever in the rockiest of places. As for peaty, I looked up that definition, partially decomposed vegetable matter, mostly mosses. Yep, I was in a decomposing and dead place (my marriage).
My middle name- Yep, still there in the definition is bitter..but before that... Wished-for child.
Wished-for child, that was a first. I have bought and looked through a lot of baby name books in my life time. As choosing a name for my children was a significant thing for me... a name was not chosen until I knew the meaning. Not only were my children named names I liked, but their names needed to have depth and purpose in their meaning. I had been unimpressed with the meaning of my name since around the fourth grade when a teacher assigned us the task of learning the meaning our names. Then when I asked my mom why I was named my names, the answer was not at all what I expected. The answer: name of a popular soap opera character, and for the middle name...it was the only name that flowed with my first name. But what I could do? Nothing. At least not till I was old enough to change things. When I was old enough, it just wasn't worth the trouble. It wasn't like anyone else cared about the meaning behind names, and changing things would just be difficult and expensive.
But that day staring at the screen, I was being given a gift, being renamed, redefined. A flower that blooms in the rocky, peaty places and I was a wished-for child.
And now, many months later, God gently reminds me of that day, reminds me of the promise of my name as He renamed me. Flowers bloom seasonally. There has been a lot of beneath the surface work, deep down in the roots and this past week, He has let me experience some of the joy in blooming and showing the work He has done.
So what is it He and I have been working on?
I have been learning to stand my ground. Learning to be strong and not give into self doubt, to stop the tapes in my head before they start playing... to affirm my decisions and not waver. To question my motives and ask God to show me if my intent, my motives are wrong and do I need to shift my thoughts and attitudes?... To not immediately take more responsibility than is mine to shoulder. All of these have been works in progress.
These weaknesses didn't happen over night. They have been present for a long time. They have been strengthened as weaknesses and encouraged by those that love me. Shocking isn't it? True. As shocking as it might or might not be. Because the reality is we might love someone and we might want them to conquer and overcome some things for their own good, but... Always the but... But when someone starts to become stronger it affects every relationship. That isn't always comfortable for the cheerleader. That cheerleader might be fine with you developing confidence and a voice so long as it doesn't inconvenience the relationship with them... When that happens, the cheerleader just might (and does in some cases) become the loudest and angriest dissenting voice. The confusion and pain that is felt is profound. I have walked that road many a time. It always ended up with me reverting back to questioning myself and self doubt and I must have done something wrong. On and on the cycle would go. It is extremely difficult when these loud voices and dissenters are family. The very people who are suppose to be for you. So very difficult. Others aren't suppose to walk all over me, just them.
Sigh... and so the cycle goes. It is hard. It is hard to admit the truth about the people closest to you. It isn't that you don't love or like them. It is hard because it is hard. Hard to admit the people closest aren't perfect. Hard to look at them and say, I don't like this but I like you. Even harder to say, I don't like this so very much that even though I like you, I can't spend anymore time with you because that is how much I don't like being treated this way. For someone like me who has the tendency for self-doubt and taking on way more responsibility than is mine to carry, this is really hard. It is hard because it means there is nothing I can do "more" to be treated better or to change their attitude/behavior towards me. It isn't about me. It is more about them and the way they think and perceive the world. Part of loving others as we love ourselves is learning to say no. Because letting them treat me poorly without consequence does not help them in the long run. It is hard because as much as I want someone to get it, to understand, I can't make them. It is hard to step back and watch them go down in a direction that will inevitably be filled with hardship as the result of choices being made. Life is hard enough without making it worse as a result of the choices we make.
This past week I have encountered multiple opportunities to press repeat. I didn't. I managed to stand strong. I didn't self-doubt. I didn't take on too much responsibility. I did it. I fist pumped and told myself way to go! AND because it is hard I grieved. BUT I didn't grieve as I have in the past, I grieved because I knew the losses the other side was going to experience. I grieved for them. I prayed. I put them in the hands of God and brushed my hands and knees off and did the next thing because there was nothing more that I could do. God doesn't need my help. He can handle it. One day, maybe things will be different. For now, I am enjoying the freedom of being free from the cycle. I am grateful for these moments of success. Praying that when the next time comes around I will be able to press repeat for this pattern, not the old.
Some articles that have helped me tremendously over the past year or two.
This one is very current, oh how I wish it had been written sooner. But I rest in the affirmation and encouragement of what I have been learning.
This one, while I am not fully where she is at, maybe one day. But acknowledging sometimes in spite of all efforts what is dead is dead.
This one, challenged my committment to marriage. It is one thing to be commited. It is another thing to be commited to the point of self-detriment. We are to love others as we love ourselves.
This one and pretty much a whole bunch of articles on this website have provided encouragement and affirmation regarding what forgiveness, repentance and reconciliation looks like. In addition, to addressing individual's humanity, sin nature in light of Scripture and how it relates to relationships.
Some words of wisdom that have had a profound effect:
"God is a gentleman." Period. There are not enough words. Just camp out on that one for a good long while. Ask Him to teach the fullness of that sentence to you. Ask Him daily to show and reveal that one to you.
I wish I could find the article I read, but in summary: A commitment to marriage does not mean a person now gets to practice being their worst possible self.
Replace marriage with family.. and it applies to any relationship.
Are the choices I am making today going to help me be the person I want to be tomorrow?
or
What I do today is practice for who I will be tomorrow.
If God is perfect. Then He communicates perfectly. Satan is known (and so is man) for twisting and distorting the words of God. Why then am I worried about or suprised by the twisting and distorting of my words? If people/Satan are willing to do it to the All-Perfect God, then there is no reason to expect it not to happen to me. (haters, going to hate... twisters are going to twist... ) I just do the best I can and leave the rest to God. The twisting and distorting of my words is not a reflection of me but of the person who is doing it. There are plenty of people who do understand my words and heart.
Truth will be revealed. God doesn't need my help. He will equip me in His own time in His strength and give me words if I need them.
It is that resting in Him, trusting in Him, waiting on Him that is so healing. He is faithful.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Growing Stronger, Getting Bolder and finding humor in songs and lyrics...
The last 2 years have been a journey.
I have been challenged a lot by people. by words. by opinions. by Scripture.
I have challenged myself.
My beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes, perspectives, choices have all been challenged.
I felt sifted and crushed and pressed and squeezed.
It has just been for the most part completely unpleasant to put it mildly.
I have also been afraid.
Afraid to say too much.
Afraid my words would be picked apart. Misunderstood. Twisted and taken out of context.
In the process of breaking free, song lyrics of all things pop into my head like as conversations.
It has been funny as the kids and I talk, something will get said and I respond with, someone wrote a song about that once...
In all honesty, there is nothing new under the sun.
I have to remind myself, haters are going to hate. They just are. It has nothing to do with me.
I can't make my words "perfect" because if a person is bent on being hateful, they will just find something to be hateful about. As the kids and I work through some of this hatefulness we sometimes tend to break into song... I will let you guess which one that could be.
It has been a journey to say the least. Fear has made itself all too comfortable in our lives.
We are learning to conquer it. We are learning it is more important to be true to ourselves. To speak truth to ourselves in spite of what those around us say.
The hardest part in this journey is when it is family that hurt us. Family and friends have the capacity to hurt us more deeply. They know us best. They know right where to hit. Sometimes they even know how to turn the tables so quickly it leaves us dizzy and confused. They do it, so everyone becomes distracted and focused on something else. We are learning to keep our legs underneath us. To right ourselves after being spun and not fall into the bait and switch confusing distraction.
We are learning that sometimes silence is the answer. There is no point to speak because the truth will be found out. Time always does reveal truth. Time always reveals character.
AND then there are times, as we are learning, the silence needs to be broken. When dealing with bullies it is always important to speak up and stand up for what is true. Silence never stops a bully.
We are learning to say, nope, no way, no how and do it with friendly firmness.
We are learning to speak up and contradict the lies being said.
We are learning to contradict the taking truths out of context and putting them back into their proper place.
And we are learning to accept that while we may do it with friendly firmness. While we may love the individuals that are involved in the mess... they may, and probably will, reject our efforts to stand up for ourselves, and twist and contort and take out of context our words to create more drama, pain and hurt. But that is okay, because there was a song wrote about this... some people are just haters... and haters are going to hate.... so just.... Shake it off....shake it off.. shake it off.. And keep doing what we know is right and stand for what is right and true. Learning what it really means to search our own hearts and be ready and okay with ourselves when it comes time to stand before God... cause even He knows.... Haters are going to hate, hate, hate...
I have been challenged a lot by people. by words. by opinions. by Scripture.
I have challenged myself.
My beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes, perspectives, choices have all been challenged.
I felt sifted and crushed and pressed and squeezed.
It has just been for the most part completely unpleasant to put it mildly.
I have also been afraid.
Afraid to say too much.
Afraid my words would be picked apart. Misunderstood. Twisted and taken out of context.
In the process of breaking free, song lyrics of all things pop into my head like as conversations.
It has been funny as the kids and I talk, something will get said and I respond with, someone wrote a song about that once...
In all honesty, there is nothing new under the sun.
I have to remind myself, haters are going to hate. They just are. It has nothing to do with me.
I can't make my words "perfect" because if a person is bent on being hateful, they will just find something to be hateful about. As the kids and I work through some of this hatefulness we sometimes tend to break into song... I will let you guess which one that could be.
It has been a journey to say the least. Fear has made itself all too comfortable in our lives.
We are learning to conquer it. We are learning it is more important to be true to ourselves. To speak truth to ourselves in spite of what those around us say.
The hardest part in this journey is when it is family that hurt us. Family and friends have the capacity to hurt us more deeply. They know us best. They know right where to hit. Sometimes they even know how to turn the tables so quickly it leaves us dizzy and confused. They do it, so everyone becomes distracted and focused on something else. We are learning to keep our legs underneath us. To right ourselves after being spun and not fall into the bait and switch confusing distraction.
We are learning that sometimes silence is the answer. There is no point to speak because the truth will be found out. Time always does reveal truth. Time always reveals character.
AND then there are times, as we are learning, the silence needs to be broken. When dealing with bullies it is always important to speak up and stand up for what is true. Silence never stops a bully.
We are learning to say, nope, no way, no how and do it with friendly firmness.
We are learning to speak up and contradict the lies being said.
We are learning to contradict the taking truths out of context and putting them back into their proper place.
And we are learning to accept that while we may do it with friendly firmness. While we may love the individuals that are involved in the mess... they may, and probably will, reject our efforts to stand up for ourselves, and twist and contort and take out of context our words to create more drama, pain and hurt. But that is okay, because there was a song wrote about this... some people are just haters... and haters are going to hate.... so just.... Shake it off....shake it off.. shake it off.. And keep doing what we know is right and stand for what is right and true. Learning what it really means to search our own hearts and be ready and okay with ourselves when it comes time to stand before God... cause even He knows.... Haters are going to hate, hate, hate...
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Boundaries.... Just a little aha moment in the learning process
Epiphany moment.
In light of recent events.
I have come to experience these words used in a very ugly way.
Sometimes people throw these words around because they are uncomfortable
with the consequences of their own actions.
They are trying to use these words to turn responsiblity and blame onto the other person.
So on this particular day as boundaries are being worked out and implemented.
A day when someone is angry and very upset.
A day when the fingers are pointing back at me.
A day when I am reminding myself, I have done nothing wrong.
A day when this quote popping up on my screen could have me in tears...
A day when this quote popping up on my screen could have me in tears...
Second guessing myself
Wondering if I am not being loving enough?
Wondering if I am not being Jesus-y enough?
Before the thoughts could start, a different set started rolling...
Wondering if I am not being Jesus-y enough?
Before the thoughts could start, a different set started rolling...
Amen and Praise Jesus, because healing is happening!!!
When and if this ever happens it is important to remember:
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
He hears the cry of my heart and He draws me to Him
Tonight the tears flow.
It has been a difficult day.
A difficult week.
A difficult month.
A difficult year.
A difficult marriage.
A difficult life.
I have been yelled and screamed at more minutes, hours and days than I count.
Tonight the tears flow, the urge to feel sorry for myself and to go down that road is strong.
After this night and it not being the first night of listening to:
My dear one(s) wish for my death.
Heap the blame on me for the divorce.
And then wish for themselves to be dead because it is all just too painful.
I just can't speak. Words won't come.
I just am frozen where I sit.
I knew the day would come.
My kids are smart.
Sometimes too smart for their own good, for my own good.
It has been a difficult day.
A difficult week.
A difficult month.
A difficult year.
A difficult marriage.
A difficult life.
I have been yelled and screamed at more minutes, hours and days than I count.
Tonight the tears flow, the urge to feel sorry for myself and to go down that road is strong.
After this night and it not being the first night of listening to:
My dear one(s) wish for my death.
Heap the blame on me for the divorce.
And then wish for themselves to be dead because it is all just too painful.
I just can't speak. Words won't come.
I just am frozen where I sit.
I knew the day would come.
My kids are smart.
Sometimes too smart for their own good, for my own good.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Adjusting and Healing in Ways Unexpected
I started this post months ago.
My heart was raw...
It needed to sit for awhile.
I needed to sit for a while.
My head and my heart, they know Truth. But my flesh, my person still grieves loss still the same.
While in the midst of loss I am able to find much gain and joy, the losses still leave a void and ache. That void and ache is sometimes compounded by the fact my losses don't affect only me. It isn't only myself that must face the changes in my abilities or lifestyle but also those closest to me. Even though I encouraged independence and self-sufficiency, I still did a lot for my family. As time went by, we noticed more losses as the number of people in our lives dwindled. Not that they didn't care but we were no longer as active and involved in things as we once were. Just more loss.
So, I delayed in sharing the following, because I just needed a bit more time to soak in the conversation between my son and I. So grateful I am, for this memory. For the healing that allowed this conversation to happen.
January 2016:
My oldest son and I went to my latest appointment together.
We weren't sure how much the testing would affect me.
Since most of his school is online and they have wi-fi, he didn't lose too much from doing his assignments.
He joined us as we went over the preliminary results.
My heart was raw...
It needed to sit for awhile.
I needed to sit for a while.
My head and my heart, they know Truth. But my flesh, my person still grieves loss still the same.
While in the midst of loss I am able to find much gain and joy, the losses still leave a void and ache. That void and ache is sometimes compounded by the fact my losses don't affect only me. It isn't only myself that must face the changes in my abilities or lifestyle but also those closest to me. Even though I encouraged independence and self-sufficiency, I still did a lot for my family. As time went by, we noticed more losses as the number of people in our lives dwindled. Not that they didn't care but we were no longer as active and involved in things as we once were. Just more loss.
So, I delayed in sharing the following, because I just needed a bit more time to soak in the conversation between my son and I. So grateful I am, for this memory. For the healing that allowed this conversation to happen.
January 2016:
My oldest son and I went to my latest appointment together.
We weren't sure how much the testing would affect me.
Since most of his school is online and they have wi-fi, he didn't lose too much from doing his assignments.
He joined us as we went over the preliminary results.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ ibotta
Ibotta was my first money saving/rebate app I tried.
It has a wide variety of shopping options.
Clothing, Groceries, Sporting Goods, Restaurants, Gifts, etc.
I primarily use the grocery offerings. However, I have taken advantage of the other offerings periodically. Especially during holiday shopping and back to school.
I try to "unlock" rebate offers while at home and my phone is on wi-fi. I don't sweat it too much if I am out and need to "unlock" one for that trip because I do try to do as many as possible when at home. Unlocking offers is as simple as clicking on the offer or letting it play a 15 sec. video, or answering a question. It just depends.
While in the store, I have learned to use the "check product's barcode." This will do 2 things. It will let you know that you are selecting the correct item for earning the rebate. A few times, I tried to redeem at home and released I grabbed the wrong variety or size. It also, marks it as "bought". After you have shopped and purchased your items, you will have to scan/photograph your receipt with your phone. You will also have to scan bar codes for some items. If this is already done in store, you need to only make sure each item is selected before continuing on with the submission.
The best part about Ibotta are the offerings of "any brand" items. Dairy products including milk, cheese, eggs, yogurt. Bread. Produce. Meat. Standard dry goods: pasta, sauce, etc. Occassionally if you purchase a branded item that has a rebate being offered and there is an any brand offering, you will be rewarded both. My favorite example is Ragu sauce and any brand pasta sauce!
Bonuses are offered each month. Some bonuses are for the number of times you redeem a specific rebate. Additional savings above and beyond! There are team bonuses as well. Your team is based on whether you link your Ibotta account with Facebook and if you have any friend on Facebook using Ibotta or referrals. Bonuses are awarded based on the number of redemptions and/or the dollar amount earned in redemptions. Depending on how active you and/or your team are in redeeming offerings, these bonuses can quickly add up.
Even better, Ibotta rebates are based on the actual purchase of the item. Presently, it is possible to purchase the item with the use of manufacturer deals/coupons and still receive the rebate. So it is just another way to maximize savings.
Please consider using my referral links (through out this posting) and here.
Ibotta's referral program : Get $5 when you invite friends using your referral code! Each person who signs up and redeems their first rebate will get $10, and you'll get $5.
The app is free.
Earnings can be deposited into Paypal or Venmo or redeemed as gift cards.
There is a minimum $20 for deposits and a $25 minimum for gift cards.
Again, the great part is there is a tremendous flexibility in what you do with your earnings.
Happy Saving!
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ Find and Save
Find and Save is an app I have downloaded on my phone. My referral code is CTGD
Find and Save has a program called: Cash Dash
The offerings provide opportunities to earn cash back on normal every day shopping.
Occasionally, there is something specific that needs to be bought.
ex. There was once an opportunity to earn $1 by going to Starbucks and ordering a latte.
More often than not, it is something like spend a minimum of $25 and get 3% back. Or spend $10 and get $1 at the specified store. (please note these are only examples)
Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me
So, there are several people interested in what I do to stretch my budget. Especially as a single, stay home, homeschool mom! One of the things I do is make my phone earn its KEEP, literally. This past summer, began my jump back into serious couponing and deal seeking. No school to tend to and I could spend some serious brain energy learning some new stuff.
Currently I have about 12 apps on my phone I use for rebating/couponing.
For all the inquiring minds, I will start trying to post something once a day or every other day about what I am doing. Hopefully, some of these tips will become helpful and/or inspire you to discover other ways to stretch your budget in small ways.
Currently I have about 12 apps on my phone I use for rebating/couponing.
For all the inquiring minds, I will start trying to post something once a day or every other day about what I am doing. Hopefully, some of these tips will become helpful and/or inspire you to discover other ways to stretch your budget in small ways.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Hearing and speech update....
Last week, I posted here about my journey in addressing my speech issues and auditory processing issues.
I passed the hearing tests with flying colors.
No suprise there.
This week though, I did the auditory processing testing.
A whole other story.
My first two tests I do okay on.
The sweet lady who did my testing told me at that point, she was thinking, wow she is doing good, maybe we don't have a problem.
That quickly changed when the third test started and then the fourth was done.
She looked at me and said "You are suprised are you?"
Yes and no.
At the time, I felt like I hadn't "missed" enough on the test for anyone to see there was a problem.
I anticipated needing to miss a lot of answers for there to be a problem to be acknowledged.
So my suprise was the fact they did see the problem.
Apparantly, there is not a whole lot of room for error on these tests.
I passed the hearing tests with flying colors.
No suprise there.
This week though, I did the auditory processing testing.
A whole other story.
My first two tests I do okay on.
The sweet lady who did my testing told me at that point, she was thinking, wow she is doing good, maybe we don't have a problem.
That quickly changed when the third test started and then the fourth was done.
She looked at me and said "You are suprised are you?"
Yes and no.
At the time, I felt like I hadn't "missed" enough on the test for anyone to see there was a problem.
I anticipated needing to miss a lot of answers for there to be a problem to be acknowledged.
So my suprise was the fact they did see the problem.
Apparantly, there is not a whole lot of room for error on these tests.
Friday, January 22, 2016
4 ingredients for each day to be a success
I love finding old notes laying around.
Tonight, I found this one:
4 ingredients for each day to be a success:
1. Gratitude
2. Kindness/Love
3. Learning
4. Work Ethic
Oh the memories.
I had been chatting with the kids about what makes a day successful.
What would be the four most important things to have in each day.
To find something in the day to be thankful for.
To demonstrate love and kindness to someone AND to receive love and kindness from someone.
The second part can be tricky, because sometimes it is more about perception.. sometimes love and kindness is being demonstrated all day long, it just doesn't look like what we are expecting.
To learn something.
To work and do it to the best of your ability that day.
Even on the worst of days. The sickest of days. All four of these are possible. Because the idea is based on what you are capable of that day. Not based on what you were able to do yesterday or a month ago or will be able to do in a week. Just today.
Tonight, I found this one:
4 ingredients for each day to be a success:
1. Gratitude
2. Kindness/Love
3. Learning
4. Work Ethic
Oh the memories.
I had been chatting with the kids about what makes a day successful.
What would be the four most important things to have in each day.
To find something in the day to be thankful for.
To demonstrate love and kindness to someone AND to receive love and kindness from someone.
The second part can be tricky, because sometimes it is more about perception.. sometimes love and kindness is being demonstrated all day long, it just doesn't look like what we are expecting.
To learn something.
To work and do it to the best of your ability that day.
Even on the worst of days. The sickest of days. All four of these are possible. Because the idea is based on what you are capable of that day. Not based on what you were able to do yesterday or a month ago or will be able to do in a week. Just today.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Checking out my hearing and speech... new stuff on the horizon!
I am so super excited!
Just before the holidays, I received a recommendation to contact a speech center here in town.
They aren't very well known, at least to my medical providers.
A frustration all within itself. But I keep reminding myself God's timing is perfect and to trust in His timing.
Today, my first appointment.
I had spoken to them on the phone.
Kind people. Compassionate people.
Again no promises.
Vision therapy has gone as far as it can for now.
My vision issues can continue to get better on their own and I have exercises to continue and one more follow up appointment.
However, I am still slow and the thought is it is an issue with processing.
I have testing results that concur.
So... I called.
Because insurance is the way it is.
They must have tests to prove I can hear and I don't have a hearing problem, that is what we did today.
Perfectly good hearing! In all the normal ranges.
One of the best parts about today, is what I would normally shed tears over.
Life has been rough the last couple of weeks. Worn down and exhausted, by the time I was called for testing, my speech was declining and just short of a train wreck.
God's timing is perfect. He knew how life was going to roll. He knew I would struggle.
He provided the perfect opening in the schedules for this appointment to happen.
Those doing my hearing tests heard my speech.
The speech specialist I spoke to on the phone came by to introduce herself.
She was able to hear my speech.
The best part was no one was alarmed or upset.
They weren't frustrated or angry.
They didn't talk down to me.
Didn't get frustrated.
They were kind and interested and encouraging.
What triggers? What helps?
Explaining, I live life in such a way to minimize issues as much as possible, but I can't prevent sick kids, crazy upside down days or weeks or noisy stores.
It was so good to have my speech problems in a setting where I just might be able to find help.
Just before the holidays, I received a recommendation to contact a speech center here in town.
They aren't very well known, at least to my medical providers.
A frustration all within itself. But I keep reminding myself God's timing is perfect and to trust in His timing.
Today, my first appointment.
I had spoken to them on the phone.
Kind people. Compassionate people.
Again no promises.
Vision therapy has gone as far as it can for now.
My vision issues can continue to get better on their own and I have exercises to continue and one more follow up appointment.
However, I am still slow and the thought is it is an issue with processing.
I have testing results that concur.
So... I called.
Because insurance is the way it is.
They must have tests to prove I can hear and I don't have a hearing problem, that is what we did today.
Perfectly good hearing! In all the normal ranges.
One of the best parts about today, is what I would normally shed tears over.
Life has been rough the last couple of weeks. Worn down and exhausted, by the time I was called for testing, my speech was declining and just short of a train wreck.
God's timing is perfect. He knew how life was going to roll. He knew I would struggle.
He provided the perfect opening in the schedules for this appointment to happen.
Those doing my hearing tests heard my speech.
The speech specialist I spoke to on the phone came by to introduce herself.
She was able to hear my speech.
The best part was no one was alarmed or upset.
They weren't frustrated or angry.
They didn't talk down to me.
Didn't get frustrated.
They were kind and interested and encouraging.
What triggers? What helps?
Explaining, I live life in such a way to minimize issues as much as possible, but I can't prevent sick kids, crazy upside down days or weeks or noisy stores.
It was so good to have my speech problems in a setting where I just might be able to find help.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
So proud of this guy!
He worked hard for just under 2 weeks.
The drama! The tears! The frustration!
Perseverance...
A steadfast Momma (Some would say stubborn)....
Encouraging siblings...
Perspective shared...
Dismay and Discouragement were challenged and chased away...
And then VICTORY!
Thursday, January 14, 2016
New Year!
Wow it is a new year!
Looking back over the last year, I find myself with a mixture of emotions. So much has changed.
A year ago, I was so afraid. So heart broken. I worked hard to hold onto my faith that God was good. And now...
I struggle with fear so much less.
It is still there... the unknown can be so scary.
But I am not in its grips like I was.
I have learned a little bit more about what it means to trust in God.
So much to learn.
The kids and I are healing.
We are learning to have a voice.
We are learning to stand up for ourselves.
We are learning to be okay with rejection. Because rejection does not mean we have necessarily done anything wrong. Sometimes it means we have done something right and are moving forward.
There is so much to be excited for and to anticipate in this coming year.
New friends. New experiences.
New hope.
Happy Exciting New Year!
Looking back over the last year, I find myself with a mixture of emotions. So much has changed.
A year ago, I was so afraid. So heart broken. I worked hard to hold onto my faith that God was good. And now...
I struggle with fear so much less.
It is still there... the unknown can be so scary.
But I am not in its grips like I was.
I have learned a little bit more about what it means to trust in God.
So much to learn.
The kids and I are healing.
We are learning to have a voice.
We are learning to stand up for ourselves.
We are learning to be okay with rejection. Because rejection does not mean we have necessarily done anything wrong. Sometimes it means we have done something right and are moving forward.
There is so much to be excited for and to anticipate in this coming year.
New friends. New experiences.
New hope.
Happy Exciting New Year!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
When the blank after Projected Outcome is left blank...
Earlier this year, found me in a doctor's office. Going through more tests. More evaluations. Trying to not get my hopes up.
Oh, the twists and turns which had brought me to that moment in that chair. Listening to the medical providers explain test results. In the process of explaining, they verbalized what I was experiencing and couldn't explain. They did it so beautifully. The relief that I felt. The joy. The comfort. And oh the tears that flowed later. To be known. To be understood. To not have to explain. Just a taste of what it is like with God, my Father. He loves me, He understands. I don't have to have words. He knows. For a brief moment, while I sat in that chair, I experienced a comfort and peace in knowing He was leading and providing for me.
So when all the explaining was done, what to do about the problem needed to be talked about. They had a plan. There were things that could be done. BUT..
But... I am pretty used to the word but...
But in my case they could offer no guarantees. When a brain is injured and damaged, there are no guarantees. The brain is a mystery. Damaged parts stay damaged. New pathways have to be created. How those pathways form or if they would form was a question no one could answer or predict. They would be willing to work with me. They had worked with a number of people who had suffered brain injuries and strokes. They were familiar with the struggles. They had experienced success stories. They just couldn't offer a projected outcome.
Oh, the twists and turns which had brought me to that moment in that chair. Listening to the medical providers explain test results. In the process of explaining, they verbalized what I was experiencing and couldn't explain. They did it so beautifully. The relief that I felt. The joy. The comfort. And oh the tears that flowed later. To be known. To be understood. To not have to explain. Just a taste of what it is like with God, my Father. He loves me, He understands. I don't have to have words. He knows. For a brief moment, while I sat in that chair, I experienced a comfort and peace in knowing He was leading and providing for me.
So when all the explaining was done, what to do about the problem needed to be talked about. They had a plan. There were things that could be done. BUT..
But... I am pretty used to the word but...
But in my case they could offer no guarantees. When a brain is injured and damaged, there are no guarantees. The brain is a mystery. Damaged parts stay damaged. New pathways have to be created. How those pathways form or if they would form was a question no one could answer or predict. They would be willing to work with me. They had worked with a number of people who had suffered brain injuries and strokes. They were familiar with the struggles. They had experienced success stories. They just couldn't offer a projected outcome.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
He goes before Me, He is always with me, and He has my back PART 2
I had to have a sit down. I had to breathe. I had to thank God for His mighty protection and His peace. I knew in my heart something bad had happened that day I smelled something "funny." I recognized the "strange" and yet familiar sense of peace that enveloped me. The same peace I experience 16 years ago as I lay in a hospital bed listening to doctors and medical staff begin the process of bringing my son into the world while trying to save both of our lives. A peace beyond explanation but knowing He is there and with me and not going to leave me.
The fire that happened and put itself out because the blower in the dryer "broke" and moisture filled the inside of the dryer. The stubborn tunnel vision of trying to get the dryer open to clean the lint out leading to the video that provided me the information that the dryer was broken and repairable (otherwise I might have just bought a new one...) The fatigue that forced me to rest for a couple of days till I was prompted to call my friend. The firm assurance by individuals that fixing was better than replacing. Trusting God and the counsel He was providing. Repairs made, that led to other questions and "fatherly" concern and suggestions. God was there in the midst of it all, directing my steps and questions and protecting us all the while.
The fire that happened and put itself out because the blower in the dryer "broke" and moisture filled the inside of the dryer. The stubborn tunnel vision of trying to get the dryer open to clean the lint out leading to the video that provided me the information that the dryer was broken and repairable (otherwise I might have just bought a new one...) The fatigue that forced me to rest for a couple of days till I was prompted to call my friend. The firm assurance by individuals that fixing was better than replacing. Trusting God and the counsel He was providing. Repairs made, that led to other questions and "fatherly" concern and suggestions. God was there in the midst of it all, directing my steps and questions and protecting us all the while.
Proud to be learning!
One of the greatest lessons taught in our homeschooling is learning is constant.
Sometimes I learned it once and never used it and then I get to re-learn so I can teach it.
Learning to teach is a whole new level of learning.
It happens in more subjects of life than just Algebra, History, English, Geometry and Science.
In the last year, I have learned a lot.
I decided to start taking an inventory of the lessons I have learned:
Sometimes I learned it once and never used it and then I get to re-learn so I can teach it.
Learning to teach is a whole new level of learning.
It happens in more subjects of life than just Algebra, History, English, Geometry and Science.
In the last year, I have learned a lot.
I decided to start taking an inventory of the lessons I have learned:
- to extend grace to myself. A lesson I revisit a lot.
- being 'broken' is not all bad, God gets to shine more through all the cracks that exist.
- to function in my kitchen and home differently, so I can complete tasks more efficiently.
- to fix a toilet.
- how to unclog a sink.
- how to wipe a hard drive clean and reload it
- how to install a dishwasher.
- how to take my dryer apart.
- to establish boundaries and to more than survive the push back that happens.
- how to replace light bulbs for my car's headlights.
He goes before Me, He is always with me, and He has my back PART 1
Isaish 52:2
But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
This week God has reaffirmed these words over and over to me and my children.
Way back in 2003, I took advantage of an opportunity the local fire department was providing the community. A firefighter came to my home, did fire safety education with my children. Taught them what to do specifically if our home caught fire. Then, he did a safety inspection. The list was suprising. Especially, considering one of my fears was not being able to get to my children in the event of fire because we have a split bedroom floorplan.
Almost 2 weeks ago, there was a strange smell as the kids and I did laundry. Deep in my heart I thought it smelled slightly of smoke. I just didn't want to alarm the kids. I, also, just didn't want to go there. Dreading the possibility of dryer needing to be replaced or costly repairs. So my son and I moved the dryer and the vent was blown out as in the past. But nothing really came out and that was to be expected. We had recently tried to blow it out. I have known several women who have repaired their dryers on their own. A friend recently shared with me, it never hurts to start a project and call for help if you find yourself in over your head. The initial breakdown is done and it could save on labor (which could be a bonus). So armed with You Tube, tools and optimsim I began the process of opening up the back of my dryer.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Change
Life changes, and thus a
New vocabulary.
Limitations.
Disability.
Deficits.
Aphasia.
Breathe.
Pacing.
Margin.
Resting.
Balance.
Acceptance.
Perseverance.
Boundaries
Stopping
Enough
Reduce
Think
Grace
Patience
Kindness
Gentleness
Compassion
Understanding
With changes in life...come other changes. Sometimes a change in perspective is required. Other times it is a change in vocabulary. Or even changes in thought patterns is necessary. Change is constant. Change is always good... if you are willing to allow it to grow you and make you a better person. Change is NOT always easy, or pleasant, or welcome.... But it is a constant... How we embrace it can determine if we are to become bitter or better. Great thing about change, it is always changing... so can we. We can start down one path and at anytime recognize we need to make a change...
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