Boundaries.... Just a little aha moment in the learning process

Epiphany moment.  

In light of recent events. 

I have come to experience these words used in a very ugly way. 

Sometimes people throw these words around because they are uncomfortable 

with the consequences of their own actions. 

They are trying to use these words to turn responsiblity and blame onto the other person. 

So on this particular day as boundaries are being worked out and implemented. 

A day when someone is angry and very upset. 

A day when the fingers are pointing back at me. 

A day when I am reminding myself, I have done nothing wrong.
A day when this quote popping up on my screen could have me in tears...

Second guessing myself 

Wondering if I am not being loving enough?
Wondering if I am not being Jesus-y enough?
Before the thoughts could start, a different set started rolling... 

Amen and Praise Jesus, because healing is happening!!! 

When and if this ever happens it is important to remember:

Passport to Purity by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

The past month we started up on Passport to Purity again.
Ideally, it is done in a weekend.
Parent and child go away and have a special weekend together.

Sometimes life and the schedule are in agreement... sometimes not.

With two of the kids, get aways were possible.
Now with two, that wasn't possible.
I put it off and put it off until child number 4 just isn't getting any younger!

So back in February when we were headed up to Kansas City for a weekend, we started up Passport to Purity again.
We worked through the first 2 CDs as a family during the drive.

The first two CDs address a lot about being able to talk with your parents and peer pressure and friendships. They also encourage young men and women to begin to think about the choices they want to make in the future.  What was great about doing this a family, is getting to hear from the older kids and the perspective they have now several years later.  The younger ones really do look up to and listen to their older siblings, it is a great opportunity for them to hear from someone else other than just me.  Life is just full and busy and sometimes it just doesn't fit into the dinner conversation to talk about some of these topics, so revisiting and introducing the opportunity to think about friends, choices, peer pressure and personal struggles during the car ride was good.

Recently, my (number 4) asked if we could skip youth group one night to work through the next cd.  We did!  We survived and it was good.  We are almost done.  I appreciate getting to listen to the cd while someone else brings up the difficult topics  and explanations.  We listen together.. laugh..roll the eyes and sigh with relief  when cd 3 is complete.  Some things are just not easy to talk about.  But it is so important to do it.  The great thing about Passport to Purity is they do a lot of the difficult talking, (the telling) and I get to bond with my kiddo over how uncomfortable it was to listen to all "that stuff" and just ask and answer questions and chat and listen.

This is our car setup.  The cd player in the car has gobbled up a cd and isn't willing to let it go right now, so we went to plan B.  We have a tape player (in the suburban) + a tape that plugs into our mobile devices.  Our mobile devices then play and it is broadcasted through our car's sound system. Pretty nifty.  In the process, my kids have discovered what a "portable cd player"/Walkman is!! When we went to Wal-mart and were asking about them, the sales guy (a teenager) asked, "You want a boom box?"  No, nothing that big!  Too funny.  Technology today...

Girls... They can do anything!! They are girly girly girly through and through!

We hear terms like tomboy, girly girl all the time.  I have 2 girls and 3 boys.  Plus, get this, I am a girl!  My interests are varied and abundant.  Guess what? so are the interests of all my kids!  All of us, we cross the gender lines all the time.  ALL.THE.TIME.
So I don't care much for Tomboy.
Because if you are a girl, you are a girl.  You are girly through and through.  You are a girly girl.  You are allowed to like glitter or not.  You can like pink or blue.  You can like getting in the dirt or wearing white and staying spotless.  You are a girl no matter what.  I love the fact that my girls and I are okay with getting dirty and definitely okay with getting all prettied and fancied up.  We are even allowed to change our mind depending on the moment.  This very moment, I don't feel like sweating or getting dirty and that is okay!  In an hour, I could possibly change my mind just as easily as changing my clothes.  That is life.  There is a time and place for everything!  !  !

Frankly, that is the story for anyone. Boys included. Learning to like variety and try new things and not being fearful of different leads to an adventure-filled fun life.  Seasons change as do opportunities and all you really have is this very present moment.  Best part of all this variety, is we don't know what the future will hold.  We don't know if we will parent all boys or all girls or have both.  As a parent, you gotta meet those blessings right where they are at and embrace the moments.  Variety and varied interests makes you a better friend, parent, family member.

This girl.  I love her dearly!
She has always been a mix of everything.  She likes glitter, lace, flowers, mud, dirt, sports, being active, crocheting, and drawing.  She embraces "contradiction" in styles.  She is exuberant.  I should not have been surprised when she volunteered to learn how to clean fish!
But she did.
Not only that, she stayed up to a crazy hour cleaning fish with her Grandpa!!
Meanwhile, I closed my eyes and listened to their voices, so exhausted I could not follow their conversation but stayed just awake enough to know they were still working.

She baits her own hook, takes the fish off, and then cleans them!
And does it with nail polish on her fingers.
She is ever so grateful this is a profile photo...because she is a girl after all and hadn't had a chance to clean up first. ;)

I took these while she was "teaching" me how to clean fish.

The evening's catch.  Some went to the freezer whole to become bait.  The rest she and Grandpa cleaned and put away for dinner in the future! 

Just a little bit more about me....

I started off somewhat anonymously this blog.
Fear and anxiety these days are a part of my life almost as much getting up and taking a shower and brushing my teeth.

Online there is some anonymity. Yet, I can't disappear from those who know me completely.  I don't really want to either.  However, this season is difficult.  I am having to rediscover myself in some areas, reinvent myself in others and discover my "new" self and it is all happening at the same time.  I am slowly re-gaining self confidence and acceptance of where I am at today.  Yesterday was yesterday, tomorrow is tomorrow, but today at this given moment, this is where I am at and this is what I am able to do and that is okay.

Some might know me from my other blog, Beach Gardens. Currently, it is just too difficult, to post there.  Maybe one day, I will return.  I do love my Beach Gardens part of my life.  It is very much a part of me but for now, I am hear at Faithfully Leaning and Counting, because while I have leaned into God over the years, I am leaning even more heavily on Him than I have ever before.  And I am counting...counting the blessings He bestows on my daily and hourly.  Focusing on His blessings is what keeps me going and reminds me this moment, this pain and suffering is just for a season and He does love me.  He does care for me.  He does see me.  He is there.  So I keep on counting.  I count pennies.  Lots and lots of pennies, because every dollar starts with a penny and as my dad says, every pound starts with an ounce.

So this is me.  This is where I am at in life today.

Weeding gardens and hearts

Today, I tried to write about the journey my kids and I have been on this summer.
I just couldn't simplify and structure my thoughts.
So full has been this summer.  Full of lessons, growth and change.
The most distinctive and tangible example we have had is the week I declared we were going to pull weeds.

Big Boys Don't Cry

I love hanging out all day with my kids.
I never know what will get asked or discussed.
My kids have amazing hearts, thoughts and ideas.
This morning I am listening to Rich Mullins on my phone.
Growing Young (Songs 2 album) was on.
My youngest suddenly asked, "Did he just say "Big boys don't cry?"  Cause that is a lie!
Love this boy!
I said you are right.
Big boys do cry sometimes, but it used to be a common thought that was taught to boys.
He was incredulous.
Him: That is impossible.  Everyone cries.  Babies cry all the time.
Me: Yes, but that is why they say big boys.
Him:  Still impossible, because everyone cries at least 4 times when they are big! At least once as a baby, once as a kid, once as a teenager and once as an adult.  People cry when they get sad or hurt.

My heart is full.  So grateful for the fact, my sons are not growing under this teaching.  So grateful this son is confident in who he is and feels free to express himself openly.

Grateful for these moments to talk about lyrics, life and personal insights with my 9 year old!