Holding on to the Joy ~ April

In this season of hard.  There are many blessings in the midst of the mess.
A kitty that plops on a lap top and snuggles.  Something about pets...they are just able to sense when we need that extra bit of affection.  Gifts from our Heavenly Father.  They are never too busy or consumed with life and this world.

Facebook posts that tickle the funny bone and speak to the craziness of this moment in life! 

Unexpected sites when turning a corner and heading home.  The joy this produced.  We literally turned around and took way too many pictures because it was just that awesome and cheerful and fun during an oh so difficult moment.  This bit of cheeriness wiped away heart wrenching and breaking tears.  

A gift from my youngest girl... reached down deep into my soul and heart.  When she told the story, I couldn't help but cry because the story made it all the more precious.  Simple joys that bring such love and joy that the darkness of the hard just gets chased away.

Change, Balance, Focus words that get talked about a lot...

He sat there on the couch during the therapy session in such misery.
He demanded.
"Why!?!  Why did you change??"

It wasn't the time or place to answer.

It wasn't even the question for the moment.

So many other issues were at hand.  And this was just another question to distract from the problem being addressed.

Yet, the question remains.

At some point, I started asking how do I answer the questions: Why did we get divorced?  How did it come to this?
I have learned the answer and details don't matter so much as what I choose to do each given day.
Yet, taking time to reflect on the journey and the how is important.  What worked and what didn't? What would I do over again and what would I never want to repeat again?

So what changed?

Taking time to relearn....

I am slowly taking time to relearn some things. Sometimes, I bite off more than I should.  I am recognizing that...so I am careful to not say anything about plans just in case it doesn't go well.
Back around Christmas I decided to attempt cookie making and decorating with royal icing.  It did end up being quite the job.  I was so thankful my daughter was around and wanted to jump in help.  I just could not remember any memories beyond needing a thicker icing for borders and a thinner icing for flooding and it really wasn't very difficult.  I just didn't remember the bending over and fatigue or the muscle strength needed in hands and forearms... Both of which have declined substantially since the accident.
But hey! we did it.  And they were yummy.

So I worked up my courage and attempted these guys a couple of months later to suprise the kids with... Baby chicks around here are not an option, so I hoped they would enjoy these cuties.

Growing and blooming in the rocky and peaty places

Healing it is happening.
I am learning and growing.  Not surviving but thriving and blooming.

I took a short break while writing this and stepping away, allowed a memory to come to mind. In the early months of my marital separation I was doing a Bible Study.  It wasn't quite what I expected.  God has a way of doing that with me.  In the first lesson, we were challenged to look at the meaning our name(s).
For me, I have never been too impressed with the meaning of my names - purple flower  & bitterness.  But trying to respect the study, I pulled up the search engine and typed in my names.

Yep, there it was purple flower... but something a little bit more.  A purplish flower that blooms in the rocky, peaty places.  Was and am I ever in the rockiest of places.  As for peaty, I looked up that definition, partially decomposed vegetable matter, mostly mosses.  Yep, I was in a decomposing and dead place (my marriage).

My middle name- Yep, still there in the definition is bitter..but before that... Wished-for child.

Wished-for child, that was a first.  I have bought and looked through a lot of baby name books in my life time.  As choosing a name for my children was a significant thing for me... a name was not chosen until I knew the meaning.  Not only were my children named names I liked, but their names needed to have depth and purpose in their meaning.  I had been unimpressed with the meaning of my name since around the fourth grade when a teacher assigned us the task of learning the meaning our names. Then when I asked my mom why I was named my names, the answer was not at all what I expected.  The answer: name of a popular soap opera character, and for the middle name...it was the only name that flowed with my first name.  But what I could do?  Nothing.  At least not till I was old enough to change things.  When I was old enough, it just wasn't worth the trouble.  It wasn't like anyone else cared about the meaning behind names, and changing things would just be difficult and expensive.

But that day staring at the screen, I was being given a gift, being renamed, redefined.  A flower that blooms in the rocky, peaty places and I was a wished-for child.

And now, many months later, God gently reminds me of that day, reminds me of the promise of my name as He renamed me.  Flowers bloom seasonally.  There has been a lot of beneath the surface work, deep down in the roots and this past week, He has let me experience some of the joy in blooming and showing the work He has done.

So what is it He and I have been working on?

I have been learning to stand my ground.  Learning to be strong and not give into self doubt, to stop the tapes in my head before they start playing... to affirm my decisions and not waver.  To question my motives and ask God to show me if my intent, my motives are wrong and do I need to shift my thoughts and attitudes?... To not immediately take more responsibility than is mine to shoulder. All of these have been works in progress.

These weaknesses didn't happen over night.  They have been present for a long time.  They have been strengthened as weaknesses and encouraged by those that love me.  Shocking isn't it?  True.  As shocking as it might or might not be.  Because the reality is we might love someone and we might want them to conquer and overcome some things for their own good, but...  Always the but... But when someone starts to become stronger it affects every relationship.  That isn't always comfortable for the cheerleader.  That cheerleader might be fine with you developing confidence and a voice so long as it doesn't inconvenience the relationship with them... When that happens, the cheerleader just might (and does in some cases) become the loudest and angriest dissenting voice.  The confusion and pain that is felt is profound.  I have walked that road many a time.  It always ended up with me reverting back to questioning myself and self doubt and I must have done something wrong. On and on the cycle would go.  It is extremely difficult when these loud voices and dissenters are family. The very people who are suppose to be for you.  So very difficult.  Others aren't suppose to walk all over me, just them.

Sigh... and so the cycle goes.  It is hard.  It is hard to admit the truth about the people closest to you.  It isn't that you don't love or like them. It is hard because it is hard.  Hard to admit the people closest aren't perfect.  Hard to look at them and say, I don't like this but I like you.  Even harder to say, I don't like this so very much that even though I like you, I can't spend anymore time with you because that is how much I don't like being treated this way.  For someone like me who has the tendency for self-doubt and taking on way more responsibility than is mine to carry, this is really hard.  It is hard because it means there is nothing I can do "more" to be treated better or to change their attitude/behavior towards me.  It isn't about me.  It is more about them and the way they think and perceive the world.  Part of loving others as we love ourselves is learning to say no.  Because letting them treat me poorly without consequence does not help them in the long run.  It is hard because as much as I want someone to get it, to understand, I can't make them.  It is hard to step back and watch them go down in a direction that will inevitably be filled with hardship as the result of choices being made.  Life is hard enough without making it worse as a result of the choices we make.

This past week I have encountered multiple opportunities to press repeat.  I didn't.  I managed to stand strong.  I didn't self-doubt. I didn't take on too much responsibility.  I did it.  I fist pumped and told myself way to go!  AND because it is hard I grieved. BUT I didn't grieve as I have in the past, I grieved because I knew the losses the other side was going to experience.  I grieved for them.  I prayed.  I put them in the hands of God and brushed my hands and knees off and did the next thing because there was nothing more that I could do.  God doesn't need my help.  He can handle it. One day, maybe things will be different.  For now, I am enjoying the freedom of being free from the cycle.  I am grateful for these moments of success.  Praying that when the next time comes around I will be able to press repeat for this pattern, not the old.

Some articles that have helped me tremendously over the past year or two.

This one is very current, oh how I wish it had been written sooner. But I rest in the affirmation and encouragement of what I have been learning.
This one, while I am not fully where she is at, maybe one day.  But acknowledging sometimes in spite of all efforts what is dead is dead.
This one, challenged my committment to marriage.  It is one thing to be commited.  It is another thing to be commited to the point of self-detriment. We are to love others as we love ourselves.

This one and pretty much a whole bunch of articles on this website have provided encouragement and affirmation regarding what forgiveness, repentance and reconciliation looks like.  In addition, to addressing individual's humanity, sin nature in light of Scripture and how it relates to relationships.

Some words of wisdom that have had a profound effect:

"God is a gentleman."  Period.  There are not enough words.  Just camp out on that one for a good long while.  Ask Him to teach the fullness of that sentence to you.  Ask Him daily to show and reveal that one to you.

I wish I could find the article I read, but in summary:  A commitment to marriage does not mean a person now gets to practice being their worst possible self.
Replace marriage with family.. and it applies to any relationship.

Are the choices I am making today going to help me be the person I want to be tomorrow?
or
What I do today is practice for who I will be tomorrow.

If God is perfect.  Then He communicates perfectly.  Satan is known (and so is man) for twisting and distorting the words of God.  Why then am I worried about or suprised by the twisting and distorting of my words?  If people/Satan are willing to do it to the All-Perfect God, then there is no reason to expect it not to happen to me.  (haters, going to hate... twisters are going to twist... ) I just do the best I can and leave the rest to God.  The twisting and distorting of my words is not a reflection of me but of the person who is doing it.  There are plenty of people who do understand my words and heart.

Truth will be revealed.  God doesn't need my help.  He will equip me in His own time in His strength and give me words if I need them.

It is that resting in Him, trusting in Him, waiting on Him that is so healing.  He is faithful.

Growing Stronger, Getting Bolder and finding humor in songs and lyrics...

The last 2 years have been a journey.

I have been challenged a lot by people.  by words.  by opinions. by Scripture.

I have challenged myself.

My beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes, perspectives, choices have all been challenged.

I felt sifted and crushed and pressed and squeezed.

It has just been for the most part completely unpleasant to put it mildly.

I have also been afraid.
Afraid to say too much.
Afraid my words would be picked apart. Misunderstood. Twisted and taken out of context.

In the process of breaking free, song lyrics of all things pop into my head like as conversations.

It has been funny as the kids and I talk, something will get said and I respond with, someone wrote a song about that once...

In all honesty, there is nothing new under the sun.

I have to remind myself, haters are going to hate.  They just are.  It has nothing to do with me.
I can't make my words "perfect" because if a person is bent on being hateful, they will just find something to be hateful about.   As the kids and I work through some of this hatefulness we sometimes tend to break into song... I will let you guess which one that could be.

It has been a journey to say the least.  Fear has made itself all too comfortable in our lives.
We are learning to conquer it.  We are learning it is more important to be true to ourselves.  To speak truth to ourselves in spite of what those around us say.

The hardest part in this journey is when it is family that hurt us.  Family and friends have the capacity to hurt us more deeply.  They know us best.  They know right where to hit.  Sometimes they even know how to turn the tables so quickly it leaves us dizzy and confused. They do it, so everyone becomes distracted and focused on something else.  We are learning to keep our legs underneath us.  To right ourselves after being spun and not fall into the bait and switch confusing distraction.

We are learning that sometimes silence is the answer.  There is no point to speak because the truth will be found out.  Time always does reveal truth.  Time always reveals character.

AND then there are times, as we are learning, the silence needs to be broken.  When dealing with bullies it is always important to speak up and stand up for what is true.  Silence never stops a bully.

We are learning to say, nope, no way, no how and do it with friendly firmness.

We are learning to speak up and contradict the lies being said.

We are learning to contradict the taking truths out of context and putting them back into their proper place.

And we are learning to accept that while we may do it with friendly firmness. While we may love the individuals that are involved in the mess... they may, and probably will, reject our efforts to stand up for ourselves, and twist and contort and take out of context our words to create more drama, pain and hurt. But that is okay, because there was a song wrote about this... some people are just haters... and haters are going to hate.... so just.... Shake it off....shake it off.. shake it off..  And keep doing what we know is right and stand for what is right and true.  Learning what it really means to search our own hearts and be ready and okay with ourselves when it comes time to stand before God... cause even He knows.... Haters are going to hate, hate, hate...

Boundaries.... Just a little aha moment in the learning process

Epiphany moment.  

In light of recent events. 

I have come to experience these words used in a very ugly way. 

Sometimes people throw these words around because they are uncomfortable 

with the consequences of their own actions. 

They are trying to use these words to turn responsiblity and blame onto the other person. 

So on this particular day as boundaries are being worked out and implemented. 

A day when someone is angry and very upset. 

A day when the fingers are pointing back at me. 

A day when I am reminding myself, I have done nothing wrong.
A day when this quote popping up on my screen could have me in tears...

Second guessing myself 

Wondering if I am not being loving enough?
Wondering if I am not being Jesus-y enough?
Before the thoughts could start, a different set started rolling... 

Amen and Praise Jesus, because healing is happening!!! 

When and if this ever happens it is important to remember:

April 1st ~ Mom strikes again

I don't always do something on April first.  Actually, over the years I have dreaded the day.  Specifically grateful for homeschooling and the lack of awareness on my kiddo's part most of the time.  The kitchen sink prank has been done so many times, that I fail to laugh and struggle to not be grumpy.  Rubber banding the spraying so someone gets wet just isn't funny the 4th, 5th, 6th year in a row.  I have already showered thank you very much and wet clothes are uncomfortable and I just have too much to do for all this mess... Yep, my sense of humor is really lacking on April Fool's Day.

That is until this year.  I stayed up late.  Way too late.  I have no idea what got into me.  Not one bit.  It started with potatoes because sometimes potatoes have eyes.  I just couldn't resist and kept thinking how much my mom would have thought it was funny.  Then as I started quietly laughing, I just couldn't stop.



So I did the cookie container...because someone is always watching.... and Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? and I am always telling the kids they will get caught...

What could be more crazy fun then opening the refrigerator for breakfast and finding this: 

He hears the cry of my heart and He draws me to Him

Tonight the tears flow.
It has been a difficult day.
A difficult week.
A difficult month.
A difficult year.
A difficult marriage.
A difficult life.

I have been yelled and screamed at more minutes, hours and days than I count.

Tonight the tears flow, the urge to feel sorry for myself and to go down that road is strong.

After this night and it not being the first night of listening to:
My dear one(s) wish for my death.
Heap the blame on me for the divorce.
And then wish for themselves to be dead because it is all just too painful.

I just can't speak. Words won't come.
I just am frozen where I sit.

I knew the day would come.

My kids are smart.
Sometimes too smart for their own good, for my own good.

Adjusting and Healing in Ways Unexpected

I started this post months ago.
My heart was raw...
It needed to sit for awhile.
I needed to sit for a while.
My head and my heart, they know Truth.  But my flesh, my person still grieves loss still the same.
While in the midst of loss I am able to find much gain and joy, the losses still leave a void and ache.  That void and ache is sometimes compounded by the fact my losses don't affect only me.  It isn't only myself that must face the changes in my abilities or lifestyle but also those closest to me.  Even though I encouraged independence and self-sufficiency, I still did a lot for my family.  As time went by, we noticed more losses as the number of people in our lives dwindled.  Not that they didn't care but we were no longer as active and involved in things as we once were.  Just more loss.
So, I delayed in sharing the following, because I just needed a bit more time to soak in the conversation between my son and I.  So grateful I am, for this memory.  For the healing that allowed this conversation to happen.

January 2016:
My oldest son and I went to my latest appointment together.
We weren't sure how much the testing would affect me.
Since most of his school is online and they have wi-fi, he didn't lose too much from doing his assignments.
He joined us as we went over the preliminary results.

I am so glad bedrooms have doors on them

Seriously, I am so glad there are bedroom doors.
I am grateful for the sanctuary they create.
When I just don't know what else to do....
When there are just no words to be said....
When the emotions are just too big....
When the need for quiet is great...
When trying to not laugh is going to cause me to choke....
there is only one thing left to be said...

"GO TO YOUR ROOM"

Oh the drama!
It is Sunday afternoon.
There are two in my home that are intent on making life interesting.
This sums them up:


I could only hope their drama is this amicablely planned.

Today, I just could not do one more minute.
I either had to babysit their free time or seek sanity for myself.
Sanity won.
I sent them to their own rooms.
For one, the isolation is just more than can be tolerated.
Every excuse imaginable was created for exiting.
Shock at my insistance to remain behind a closed door.
If only he understood it was in his best interest.
I am not feeling well. I am tired and I am in pain.
When all else failed, the next attempt to exit was because "I am thirsty."
The concept of asking if he may get a drink has escaped him.
He just feels entitled.
ENTITLED.
When I point out making a polite request would far improve his chances of getting a drink without experiencing the mom look his flare for the dramatic overwhelmed the household.
FINE.  IF YOU DON'T CARE THAT I WILL DIE OF THIRST,
I. WILL. JUST. DRINK. MY. TEARS.

I. AM. SHUTTING. MY. DOOR. AND. I. AM. GOING. TO. DRINK. MY. TEARS.

If only he knew how hard it was for me to not burst out laughing.
I so wish this child of mine would be willing to join a theater group.
The possibilities for the future are just so great with that kind of creativity and drama!

Purposeful silence and still counting the joy!

Blogging is so difficult these days.
There is much going on.
With the divorce still in process and hearts raw in my home, the need for silence and privacy is profound.
Even personal triumphs are difficult to share.
While many would understand and rejoice, there are those who would/could twist and contort my words against me.
Silence has been and continues to be my friend.
Choosing to believe in the knowledge that my God knows and sees.
There is a time to speak and a time to be silent.
Discerning which to do is the challenge.
What we are rejoicing in these days:

• we fixed the exhaust fans in the bathroom! 
• a dishwasher we replaced and installed with help from a friend, last fall.  (The last couple of weeks, just recognizing what a blessing it is again to have a working dishwasher.)
• the kindness of strangers
• the many suprising ways God blesses us:  scholarships, words of encouragement, perfectly timed sales and coupons, placing us on the minds of others and in their own obedience reaching out... needs met before they were known.  
• soccer team of boys that are a good fit for one another  
• sunshine-y days and being able to get outside 
• the gift of free movie downloads from friends
• personal creativity 
• God appointed conversations that yield much needed wisdom before it is needed
• essential oils that just smell and feel so good while rubbing into sore muscles
• a crocus that bloomed where none had bloomed in 10 or so years! 
• much needed moisture in the form of Easter snow! 
• early spring garden taking off 

While choosing silence and focusing on the gifts of the moment, I have done a lot of pondering.  What would I type and for what purpose?  Am I prepared for any back lash that could come my way? There have been plenty of moments when away from technology a post comes to mind.  Thoughts on what we are learning.  Funny quoteables.  The next moment happens and then another.  More often than not, the memory of those posts pass just as quickly as the days do.  My hope is that the kids will remember me as being present in their day to day even if I did get photographed, or journaled, or blogged or facebooked.  

And in moments like these when a snuggle was needed, the non-furry children and furry children will feel loved because I chose them over my typing.

St Patrick's Day fun ~ Memories I want to savor!

My youngest fully embracing the green.  Turning inside out fleece lined jeans for the full effect!

Trying something new in my crockpot!

Ms. Scarlett, is a very faithful companion in my kitchen.  (She is known by other names: crockpot, slow cooker.) She is a blessing regardless of her title.  This past week, it was brought to my attention of another beautiful skill she has.

She can brown hamburger!

This tip just made my day.  There are days, I just know the dinner hour is going to be difficult.  Knowing this ahead of time is half the battle.  Then coming up with solutions to reduce the number of steps in getting to the table is the other part of the battle. Mrs. Scarlett saves the dinner hour frequently.  She warms up soups for lunch or dinner.  She has made lasagna for me on days, I can't be home to slip it in the oven at the right time. She makes so many delightful dishes.  I just never considered she had this blessed talent.

While this is not an extraordinarily difficult chore, it does sometimes require planning and effort on what could be very busy, exhausting and chaotic days.  She doesn't do it quickly.  But that is okay.. quickly done isn't always necessary.  A friend of mine whispered this gem of knowledge to me via text.  I was flabbergasted and excited all at once.  She told me her personal assistant helps with Taco Tuesdays.  At lunchtime she delegates the browning of hamburger.  Hamburger + 1/4 cup of water + seasonings.  A few hours later she gives it a stir and breaks up the hamburger and by dinner time, viola! All that is needed is the sides and maybe the adding of some beans to stretch the meat/protein of the night.

I am so excited because today, is one of those days, where I know I am going to need a little extra help later in the day.  Sometimes cutting one 10 minute task off the to do list is all it takes to reduce the stress load of crazy family schedules.

Passport to Purity by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

The past month we started up on Passport to Purity again.
Ideally, it is done in a weekend.
Parent and child go away and have a special weekend together.

Sometimes life and the schedule are in agreement... sometimes not.

With two of the kids, get aways were possible.
Now with two, that wasn't possible.
I put it off and put it off until child number 4 just isn't getting any younger!

So back in February when we were headed up to Kansas City for a weekend, we started up Passport to Purity again.
We worked through the first 2 CDs as a family during the drive.

The first two CDs address a lot about being able to talk with your parents and peer pressure and friendships. They also encourage young men and women to begin to think about the choices they want to make in the future.  What was great about doing this a family, is getting to hear from the older kids and the perspective they have now several years later.  The younger ones really do look up to and listen to their older siblings, it is a great opportunity for them to hear from someone else other than just me.  Life is just full and busy and sometimes it just doesn't fit into the dinner conversation to talk about some of these topics, so revisiting and introducing the opportunity to think about friends, choices, peer pressure and personal struggles during the car ride was good.

Recently, my (number 4) asked if we could skip youth group one night to work through the next cd.  We did!  We survived and it was good.  We are almost done.  I appreciate getting to listen to the cd while someone else brings up the difficult topics  and explanations.  We listen together.. laugh..roll the eyes and sigh with relief  when cd 3 is complete.  Some things are just not easy to talk about.  But it is so important to do it.  The great thing about Passport to Purity is they do a lot of the difficult talking, (the telling) and I get to bond with my kiddo over how uncomfortable it was to listen to all "that stuff" and just ask and answer questions and chat and listen.

This is our car setup.  The cd player in the car has gobbled up a cd and isn't willing to let it go right now, so we went to plan B.  We have a tape player (in the suburban) + a tape that plugs into our mobile devices.  Our mobile devices then play and it is broadcasted through our car's sound system. Pretty nifty.  In the process, my kids have discovered what a "portable cd player"/Walkman is!! When we went to Wal-mart and were asking about them, the sales guy (a teenager) asked, "You want a boom box?"  No, nothing that big!  Too funny.  Technology today...

Unplanned break from blogging... life is full!

Blogging has been taking a back seat lately. 

Life has been full and hectic. 

I managed near the beginning of February to start a bunch of posts and save them. 

Then tweak and finish them up in spare moments...

When they were done...

 I composed posts in my head while I my hands were busy

away from my computer. 

We managed to put in the late winter/very early spring garden. 

I never would have thought of planting seeds in February but the nearby nursery folks 

were very encouraging.
I had to pick up some seeds for various science projects for the kids... 

and not one to waste anything... they are planted. 

We have more peas planted than I have ever put in the ground. 

Carrots, spinache, onions, lettuce and 

asparagus (from last year)

are all in the ground.  

Today's report from the kids is that we have sprouts in the garden! 

Maybe I will get pictures sometime later this week. 

Today it is raining!  

Blessed rain. 

February ended with temps ranging all the way up to the 70's. 

March started like a lamb... beautiful spring like weather. 

So we have tackled various outdoor chores.
Cleaning up gardens and corners of the yard. 

Dismantled the compost "bin."

Fixed the neighbors fence that lines our yard.  

They are in the process of packing up and moving, weilding a hammer is easy. 

Indoors, I cleaned and fixed the bathroom fans.  

Did you know, they can get really dusty? 

All that dust can make the motor grumpy and noisy! 

Life lessons/Home Ec of the week! 

Decluttering, sorting through clothes.  

The living room is more of a train wreck than usual. 

Tons of science experiments and projects in all the subjects for the kids. 

But we are getting it done! 

There has been extra appointments. 

Hockey has ended.  

Only to add Soccer and Golf to the spring routine. 

I will try to keep up! 

CVS ~ Free tooth paste plus overage

CVS is printing out $2 off Colgate toothpaste from its Red Machine.
There is a manufacturer coupon for $2 off Colgate Daily Repair.
The Colgate Daily Repair is $3.49.
Free +  $0.51 in overage.

A quick inexpensive deal would be to get the $.99 Cadbury Egg.  Purchase one and receive .99ECB for next purchase.

Spring Fever in February

We have a touch of Spring Fever these days.  This past week we have had temperatures that have hit 79 degrees!

On this Monday, I decided to head outside for a little bit.  I multi-tasked! (Multi-tasking like I once did is a thing of history for me.)  Multi-tasking has become the family joke around here.  I stocked up on some Vitamin D,  Decided to get me a sunny disposition for the afternoon.  AND since the boys had started tying the string for the raised beds, I started planting the cool weather plants.  Peas, carrots, onions, spinache and lettuce.

We have been accumulating a variety of seeds for indoor science experiments and not one to waste anything, we are experimenting out doors now.  Hopefully, we will end up with some tasty treats from the garden. The boys did great cleaning out last year's dead leftovers and the weeds.  They even pulled the asparagus out.  So sad.  Sure hoping, some of it managed to remain hiding under the soil.  I did discover some and replant.  Only time will tell.

This is the first year I have ever planted anything this early outside.  After a trip to the nearby garden center (just across the road..sort of, from us) to purchase some of the seeds for experiments and chatting with them, we discovered they recommended planting peas the last week of February.  So I am looking forward to see if we have better luck this year with these items.

Breakfast fun with the kids ** 2 dozen for 2-22 **

I have a love hate-relationship with donuts.
Love donuts.
Then I became a mom.
So not a fan of sugar high crazed kids.
But a late run to the grocery store last night and seeing these beauties marked down... and something came over me.
I was planning to just walk out with plain glazed.. and then I saw the chocolate.
Before I knew what was happening both boxes in the cart!
My kids know my feelings about donuts.
Donuts on a school morning translates into school work getting done issues.
The questions and shock were not disguised.
Without missing a beat, I looked at them and said, "Don't you know what tomorrow is?"  while getting dinner on the table.
The blank looks and quizzical looks.  I just don't know where this all came from, it was out of my mouth before my brain even knew what was happening.  A quick look at the calendar.  Tomorrow is 2-22.  We needed to have 2 dozen.  Happy 2-22 everyone!!

Then we prayed and had our chicken enchiladas.

This morning, I heard commotion about cereal.  Kids were eating cereal.  I said nothing.
About an hour into the morning my "wake up and eat later" kid asked if he could have a donut.
Jaws hit the floor.  Kids were saying, you know what mom thinks about donuts, you have to eat something else before you can have a donut!  I just looked at them. Because I was on the verge of saying "Yes! have a donut!"  Just don't know what alien has overtaken me.  I just hope the kids don't get used to it and expect the alien to stay.  Instead of allowing the alien to speak, I said have a yogurt or cereal and then have at the donuts!

They all went running for donuts.. It was a 2-22 score for this mom! They must be growing up because the sugar high isn't keeping them from their work.

Money Saving Tips: How I make my phone work for me ~ SWAGBUCKS

My phone works for me on this, but I also do most of my Swagbucks earning on my laptop.

But with more people going mostly mobile, this just may be a perfect for you. 

You can read more about Swagbucks here and here.   

This is my referral link.   Swagbucks has a referral program.  For each referral that signs up and earns swagbucks, Swagbucks will then award me with a bonus of 10% of your earnings into my account.  It is a win win for both!   Please consider signing up through my link if you decide this is something for you. 

Swagbucks is a search engine. You can earn swagbucks for just doing your normal every day online searches through their search engine.  There are also varying tasks that can be done each day that will earn you swagbucks.  Swagbucks can be earned for completing surveys, watching videos, printing and redeeming manufacturer coupons.  Finding and entering swagcodes.  

It took some creativity and time to figure out how to fit the tasks into my day, but now it is just apart of my online routine.  Between my phone and laptop, I earn enough swagbucks each month to trade them in for 2 $25 gift cards of my choice!  That is $50 !  This past weekend, I headed to Walmart with some of my gift cards earned from Swagbucks and went grocery shopping.  It was so exciting to buy groceries and not use any family budget money!! 

Finding creative ways to show my teens I love them

Sometimes it is just the little things.  Then sometimes it is the silly and frivolous things.

Last summer we learned there were people who would post it another person's car!  

The news and then seeing cars done was just a bit shocking for this frugal momma! 

Didn't they know how expensive post it notes could be??  

Especially to only be blown away and trashed and not used beyond prankstering?? !! ?? 

My practical side can be a bit of a buzz kill sometimes. 

So I often just keep my lips zipped. 

In all honesty though, post it notes are far easier to deal with than shoe polish. 

Especially in Kansas heat. 

Then one day, something possessed me.  A goofy, silly, overwhelming sense came over me.  

It started with activating the sticky notes on one teenager's computer.  I was just going to leave one little note that said "I love you."  And then I was taken over by creativity....

and silliness... 

and oneriness...

All I can say, is there is a limit to how many sticky notes that can be "placed" on a laptop screen!! 

Couponing ~ CVS ~ Stretching the budget & Making my phone work for me

So for some of you friends out there asking how I do what I do at CVS.
Here you go.
Sometimes I can sit down with the ad and pick my own deals.
Most of the times, I choose to check out a handful of blog posts to find the deals.

First I go to Money Saving Mom. 

Once there she has a tab marked "grocery store deals." A drop down menu will appear.  I then click on CVS deals.
Sometimes I follow the links for coupons.
Other times, I head on over to my Swagbucks home page and print the coupons from there.  (By doing this I earn swagbucks for each coupon I print and redeem.  I can then in turn redeem my swagbucks for gift cards.  Sometimes, that means CVS gift cards which means even more savings! If you aren't signed up with Swagbucks, you can sign up here. (this is my referral link) Swagbucks is a search engine and more.)

Below each of Money Saving Mom's posts on CVS each week is list of bloggers who have linked up with their deals.

I really like checking out the one titled $5 and $10 deals from Simply CVS Shopping. Here I can select deals I am interested and it will create a shopping list for me.
and
What's free or almost free at CVS from Couponaholic.
and
ECB deals with Q matchups also from Simply CVS Shopping.

Once I have deals in hand I head to the store.
What you will need when you get there:
Your coupons and list of course.
But you will also need to have a CVS Extra Care Card ,  a rewards shopping card.
I recommend loading the CVS app on your phone as well.  You will receive special app only offers.  But it also stores your rewards card number.
Once at the store, you will want to visit the CVS red machine.  You scan or enter your rewards card number/id and special coupon offers for that week will be printed.
These are CVS offers and can be combined with manufacturer coupons and ECBs.
Then shop away.

I have my CVS card loaded with Saving Star.  When I check out, I have the cashier scan my Extra Care Card number from the Saving Star app.  This way I am able to receive any eligible offers available through Saving Star and maximize my savings.

My $5 gift card to Starbucks came ~ joy, joy, joy!!

Last month I posted about an email I received from Starbucks.  I was asked to complete a survey, in exchange I would receive a $5 gift card.  For less than 5 minutes of my time.
Well it came !!   Thank you Starbucks!!  I am looking forward to my next treat.

Earasers!!

They came!  They fit!!
I discovered these over a year ago and they were a game changer.
I have issues with my auditory processing as the result of a car accident/concussion.
Too much noise and I struggle.
Struggle. A. Lot.
After joining a few online groups and discovering I was not alone in this, someone mentioned giving these a try.
Game changer.  My kids have noticed a huge improvement.
I am back to experiencing more of life.

I orginally bought size small but sometime late last year, they were not fitting me well.  They seemed to go a bit deeper in my ear.  Something seemed off.  It took me a while to just sit down and order new ones.  I took a chance and ordered the next size up and what a difference! The fit is better.  When the fit is better so is the noise blocking capabilities.  

Money saving tips: How I make my phone work for me ~ Shrink

Shrink is another grocery app I have on my phone. 

There is a variety of products offered for receiving either points or cash back.  

Points can be accumulated redeemed for rebate offers. 

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ Retail Me Not

I recently reloaded this app on my phone. 

I have been pleasantly suprised and pleased. 

I have received alerts for great offers that have been perfectly timed for that moment. 

Been blessed beyond measure and said, "Thank you God for this added blessing!" 

The first was a suprise alert that I could receive cash back for purchasing a drink at Starbucks.  

I combined this offer with another offer on my phone and used my free gift cards to score a special treat for myself at a significant savings.  

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~Receipt Hog

RECEIPT HOG!  Another free app I have on my phone.  

Load your receipts and earn points or spins.  

Spins may or may not earn you more points.  

Points can be redeemed for Amazon gift cards or Paypal deposit.

No special purchases.  Just do what you normally do and load your receipt through the camera on your phone.  

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ Checkout 51

Checkout 51 was one of the first 3 apps I started out with.  (Ibotta and Snap by Groupon were the other two.)  

I still faithfully use Checkout 51.  The frequency varies depending on sales and coupons. Not every app will offer rebates that fit normal purchasing patterns.  Sometimes, the deals while the rebate runs are just not that great.  What keeps me looking up the offers is the weekly "pick your own offer."  I love the produce options each week.  I get to pick one item that often pairs up with a sale or sometimes can be used in combination with an offer in another app.  My household goes through produce like crazy.  Coupons can be a rarity for produce so I love every chance to save here.  Each quarter dropped in the bucket adds up.  Believe it or not, at the end of the month, if I add up all my rebates submitted my total is enough to keep me going.  

This past week's "pick your own offer": 

Union Station ~ Fun Memories

I have got some pretty awesome kids. They leave me amazed.  With my oldest son playing hockey, we find ourselves on the road quite a bit for games.  I have routinely tried to make sure each trip included something unique to the area we were visiting and something different than hockey.  Part of it is because I have felt sorry for the younger kids.  Part of it is for my own sanity.  If I am going to drive all those miles and freeze in a rink (loving almost every minute of it) I would like to see a little bit more of these towns than their local ice rinks.  Thankfully, the internet is a wonderful resource for finding things to do.  Kansas City is a frequent spot.  Sometimes we visit regular favorites like Legends Outdoor Mall, other times we find something new.  About a year ago, during a visit, we popped into Union Station.  It was decorated for Christmas and there were a whole bunch of Gingerbread Houses on display.  Our imaginations were caught.  Unfortunately we didn't have time to stay.  It was put on the list.  Recently, with a game forfeited and extra time I asked the kids what was one thing they would like to do for fun.  Anywhere between home and Kansas City.  We had some extra time.  Union Station was the answer!  This time I put them in charge of the internet search.  Times, details, etc.  With a little bit of guidance they figured out how to explore the internet and learn more about Union Station.
Anticipation was building. But none of it prepared them for what we found.

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ Shopmium

The first time I tried Shopmium I received the most delightful suprise.  I didn't have to wait till I reached a minimum for cash back to happen.  My rebates were deposited immediately into my PayPal account!  Guaranteed it wasn't a huge amount.  It didn't matter, I am not in this to become a millionaire.  Just to create some breathing room in my budget.  To add a little to my savings.  To quote my dad, every pound starts with an ounce and every dollar starts with a penny.  It is a little thing to scan a barcode and/or photograph a receipt.  Over the months, I have redeemed offers for crayons, mints, juices, coconut water and frozen pre-cooked chicken and more.  Pair any of these rebates up with coupons and other app deals and the budget stretches.  I paired the crayon offer with back to school sales and scored some free crayons! 

Shopmium does have a referral program.  If you download the app, open it up to register and use my code when you register (pictured below in the screen shot:  KUKCUUFW), I will earn $2 for the referral and you will receive an offer for a FREE Lindt Chocolate bar.  

Memories I want to savor

It all started with a 4 year old out of the blue saying he wanted to play hockey!
I looked at him and said, you don't even know what hockey is.
To which, he looked me straight and said, yes I do.  He proceeded to tell me all about it.
How did he know about hockey? I did not know.  We were a little bitty family of 5 in Kansas.  Basketball.  Baseball.  Football.  Those were the sports people talked about.  Occassionally swimming, volleyball, golf, etc.  Not hockey.

Apparantly, he flipped channels on the basement tv and came across a hockey game.  He was captivated.  He knew more about hockey at 4 years of age than anyone I knew. Sundays on his way home from church he would announce he was going to watch the hockey game.  The first time he did this, I told him there wasn't a hockey game on tv.  Kansas, mind you.  Hockey wasn't a Kansas thing back then.  He looked at me and said, yes there is.  Very respectfully and serious.  I responded with, "How do you know?"  "Because there is," he said.
Four years old and he didn't know how to read and I tried like the dickens to manage tv time.  But he intuitively knew and he was right!  His fascination did not abate.

Next step was ice skating lessons. I thought that would take some time and we would see how long his interest lasted.

Um yeah, right!?!?

Money Saving Tips: Making My Phone work for me ~ Saving Star

Saving Star is another one of my favorite apps. 

You are able to link selected loyalty cards to the app.  

If you open up the app and have the register scan the bar code in the Saving Star app you will then receive your offers this way.  

But have no fear,  If your favorite starts are not in the "selected" grouping of loyalty cards to link up not all is lost.  Saving Star still recognizes a wide variety of stores in offering savings.  

I have only used Saving Star for redeeming their grocery offers.  (They do have online shopping offers.  I have yet to explore this option.)  Saving Star offers a lot of offers that combine very well with the latest coupons that are released in the Sunday paper.  They do have a disclaimer in their "fine print" that this may change at some point, but for now it is possible to coupon paper coupons with their offers.   In addition, they offer an occasional limited time only "freebie."  They have a new "Healthy Offer"  every Tuesday and seems to be normally about 20% back on some type of produce item.  Currently it is on apples.  

The redemption process is pretty simple.  Purchase the item, submit the receipt or use the loyalty link bar card and receive the full purchase price back!  When submitting receipts for the offers, items have to be scanned with some exceptions like produce and the receipt is also photographed using the phone.  It is possible to verify a product's eligibility before purchasing and I strongly recommend doing this when time and data allows you to do so.  A few times, I have grabbed the wrong thing and been a little disappointed once home.  

Once you have redeemed  and have $5 in your Saving Star account you can request a payout.  Payouts can be made to a bank account, PayPal account, UPromise account, Starbucks gift code, iTunes gift code or AMC theaters gift code.  

Redemption seems to happen fairly quickly with transactions on linked cards.  Filing via a receipt and scanning bar codes seems to take quite a bit longer than it did initially.  Partly, I believe due to growing pains and keeping up with the number of people taking advantage of the savings.  I haven't had an issue yet and it has been so far so good.  

The app works for Iphones and Androids. 

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ ibotta

Ibotta was my first money saving/rebate app I tried.

It has a wide variety of shopping options.
Clothing, Groceries, Sporting Goods, Restaurants, Gifts, etc.

I primarily use the grocery offerings.  However, I have taken advantage of the other offerings periodically.  Especially during holiday shopping and back to school.

I try to "unlock" rebate offers while at home and my phone is on wi-fi.  I don't sweat it too much if I am out and need to "unlock" one for that trip because I do try to do as many as possible when at home.  Unlocking offers is as simple as clicking on the offer or letting it play a 15 sec. video, or answering a question.  It just depends.

While in the store, I have learned to use the "check product's barcode."  This will do 2 things.  It will let you know that you are selecting the correct item for earning the rebate. A few times, I tried to redeem at home and released I grabbed the wrong variety or size. It also, marks it as "bought".  After you have shopped and purchased your items, you will have to scan/photograph your receipt with your phone.  You will also have to scan bar codes for some items.  If this is already done in store, you need to only make sure each item is selected before continuing on with the submission.

The best part about Ibotta are the offerings of "any brand" items.  Dairy products including milk, cheese, eggs, yogurt.  Bread.  Produce.  Meat.  Standard dry goods: pasta, sauce, etc.  Occassionally if you purchase a branded item that has a rebate being offered and there is an any brand offering, you will be rewarded both.  My favorite example is Ragu sauce and any brand pasta sauce!

Bonuses are offered each month.   Some bonuses are for the number of times you redeem a specific rebate.  Additional savings above and beyond!  There are team bonuses as well.  Your team is based on whether you link your Ibotta account with Facebook and if you have any friend on Facebook using Ibotta or referrals. Bonuses are awarded based on the number of redemptions and/or the dollar amount earned in redemptions.  Depending on how active you and/or your team are in redeeming offerings, these bonuses can quickly add up.

Even better, Ibotta rebates are based on the actual purchase of the item. Presently, it is possible to purchase the item with the use of manufacturer deals/coupons and still receive the rebate.  So it is just another way to maximize savings.

Please consider using my referral links (through out this posting) and here.
Ibotta's referral program :  Get $5 when you invite friends using your referral code!  Each person who signs up and redeems their first rebate will get $10, and you'll get $5.

The app is free.
Earnings can be deposited into Paypal or Venmo or redeemed as gift cards.
There is a minimum $20 for deposits and a $25 minimum for gift cards.
Again, the great part is there is a tremendous flexibility in what you do with your earnings.

Happy Saving!

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me ~ Find and Save

Find and Save is an app I have downloaded on my phone.  My referral code is CTGD

Find and Save has a program called: Cash Dash
The offerings provide opportunities to earn cash back on normal every day shopping.

Occasionally, there is something specific that needs to be bought.
ex. There was once an opportunity to earn $1 by going to Starbucks and ordering a latte.

More often than not, it is something like spend a minimum of $25 and get 3% back.  Or spend $10 and get $1 at the specified store. (please note these are only examples)

Money Saving Tips: Making my phone work for me

So, there are several people interested in what I do to stretch my budget. Especially as a single, stay home, homeschool mom!    One of the things I do is make my phone earn its KEEP, literally. This past summer, began my jump back into serious couponing and deal seeking.  No school to tend to and I could spend some serious brain energy learning some new stuff.

Currently I have about 12 apps on my phone I use for rebating/couponing.

For all the inquiring minds, I will start trying to post something once a day or every other day about what I am doing.  Hopefully, some of these tips will become helpful and/or inspire you to discover other ways to stretch your budget in small ways.

Hearing and speech update....

Last week, I posted here about my journey in addressing my speech issues and auditory processing issues.
I passed the hearing tests with flying colors.
No suprise there.
This week though, I did the auditory processing testing.
A whole other story.
My first two tests I do okay on.
The sweet lady who did my testing told me at that point, she was thinking, wow she is doing good, maybe we don't have a problem.
That quickly changed when the third test started and then the fourth was done.
She looked at me and said "You are suprised are you?"
Yes and no.
At the time, I felt like I hadn't "missed" enough on the test for anyone to see there was a problem.
I anticipated needing to miss a lot of answers for there to be a problem to be acknowledged.
So my suprise was the fact they did see the problem.
Apparantly, there is not a whole lot of room for error on these tests.

It's the little things!! Thanks Starbucks!!

Earlier in January I blogged about getting some super duper delicious Starbucks samples in the mail. 

Today I received this email: 

But the email was sent earlier today at 10:30.  Chances were slim, I was responding in time to earn the gift card.  

And yet this was the response when I completed the survey:  

Talk about happy dance!!!! Especially after this morning's wonderful indulgance.  I have a super sweet barista in my house.  She loves coffee.  Preferably black.  Yet, she likes her sweets too and has discovered how to make me a peppermint mocha at home.  This is what welcomed me to my day this morning after my shower... Oh bliss!! I was gently informed my youngest is in training and contributed the chocolate chips.  They just may need to open their own cafe one day.  

A weekend that was both restful and productive ~ God leaves me so amazed!

It has been a great weekend!
I love weekends at home.
I managed to tackle some big and not so big things on the to do list.

We slept in.  All five of us!  That is a big deal.  Especially considering my youngest is ALWAYS up with the sun.  And there has been a sneaky virus that made it in the front door.  So sleep is essential in healing and recovering and helping the rest of us avoid being introduced to this unwelcomed guest.

Some decluttering and organzing happened with the Ebay piles.
Some listings were posted, some were scheduled, more pictures taken, some of which have been edited.  There is a fresh new pile of things to get done and a plan of attack for getting things out of the house before the weather is warm enough for a garage sale.  I had a few sales, so things are on their way out the door!

Laundry is all caught up..(well until tomorrow!)

Awesome meals were made that are saved for the weekends when school and appointments and practice schedules are competing for time and energy.  AND I managed to find a HUGE pork roast marked down, so it has been cut for two meals and bagged up with marinades and seasonings for 2 meals in the future.

Some reorganization happened in the pantry.  The spice cabinet received an overhaul. It was long over do.  I was tired of empying the whole cabinet just to find what I needed.  Sometimes, there are just too many cooks in the kitchen.  Especially with eager younger ones who desire to be helpful and show some initiative.  Reorganizing the cabinets was meant to be helpful... Someone needs to create an emoji with hair being pulled out and hearts for eyes.  I love the sweethearts...so very much...but sometimes I wish the life lessons were tomorrow and not today.

We caught up on some school projects that were waiting for some Mom time.

A CVS trip with coupons in hand.
Grocerys at Dillons with coupons and loyalty card in hand.

My coupon box was tidied up and reorganized.
Email inbox was cleaned out.

Closet organization and decluttering happened in 2 rooms.

Home manicures for my daughter and I were done.  Colors in honor of the hockey games this weekend!

Home facial treatments done.  I considered a picture of me trying out the Young Living ART Beauty Mask but my vanity and my kids' teasing have convinced me otherwise.  I was called "Mummy."  Kids who woke up while I was doing vision therapy (bar reading) suggested it would have helped them to wake up sooner had I come downstairs to wake them.  I would have startled them right out of their sleepiness.  What dears they are!*!*!  Teenager sarcasm and wit is such a delight.
I did enjoy waxing a few eyebrows... What was that you were saying about "Mummy" earlier?? It really wasn't that bad, but it was sure fun to counter their whine with a good dose of sarcastic wit right back at them.

We tossed a couple of hockey games into the mix. Along with a significant number of hours working through the Star Wars movies.  Half of us want to refresh our memories by watching all 6 before we see number 7 in the theaters.  Fortunately 2 of the kids really do want to watch all of the movies in order!  My memory being what it is, it is nice to not be unanimously out voted on this one.  Movie time has still been productive.  I managed to reach another swagbuck goal so, another gift card will be coming!!

Managed to make it to church post-hockey game this morning.  Completely worked out by God.  Wonderful sermon series happening and the kids are enjoying it.  Connected with an old friend I haven't seen in a few months and has been on my heart.  God just knows and I just shouldn't be suprised, but I always am suprised by how perfectly orchestrated is His timing.

I am just in awe of how much God managed to help us accomplish in one weekend.  Recapping the day/week/weekend/month/year can be such a good thing.  Not exhausted from the weekend.  Instead I feel refreshed and overjoyed.  Much was accomplished.  Lots of laughter.  Some frustrations and life lesson angst.  So much joy, hugs, love, apologies, forgivenes, snuggles, and just comfortable in one another's presence while we hang out filled this weekend.   So very grateful for the tender mercies He poured out on us this weekend.